Tonight I went out to Ann Arbor and hung out with friends. I rode in really fast cars. Seriously fast. A Rousch Mustang. It was amazing!
Then, we stopped so my friends could eat something at a Mexican cafe, similar to a Qdoba or Chipotle, but local. And after that we went and they got ice cream from the local amazing ice cream shop that makes their own ice cream. ( I decided then that after the warrior dash, that will be my first splurge off of sugar…a celebratory cone…IF I make it over the wall!)
At both of these places I was fine. I wasn’t hungry and I wasn’t tempted to eat because everyone else was. I really was just enjoying an evening with friends with fast cars!
Then I came home.
In our fridge I found an all too familiar pizza box from the place I worked at in High School. They have the absolute best pizza ever! I took a peek in the box and saw my all time favorite…a BLT pizza.
I closed my eyes and closed the fridge and walked away.
Then my brother entered the kitchen while I was taking care of some things and pulled out the pizza, reheated a piece. I watched him, nearly salivating wishing I still ate bread!
After what seemed like an eternity, but was really only about 10 seconds, I said, “I can’t watch you eat that”, and moved to leave the room…
The big sabotaging jerkface decided to step into my path so my desperate exit was not as quick as I would like. I told him to move so I could leave. He then tried to tell me I walked into him!
Seriously. He knows I love this stuff. Knows I am not eating bread. Clearly by my need to exit and my comment I was barely hanging on to my resolve….and he tries to delay me.
I don’t understand why someone would so maliciously not only wish for someone to NOT succeed, but to intentionally try to thwart their efforts. And this is what they call family.
Times like this I am thankful I have friends who cheer me on and don’t want to do anything to hinder my progress. ( I had to beg to let my friends go with the to the ice cream place tonight….they didn’t want to tempt me!) and who desperately want to see me succeed.
By the way….tomorrow I will be 30 days grain free…because I did NOT give in tonight to pizza!
The Road to Beautiful 
You know when I read this I was yelling out “jump in the shower”! That’s what I did whenever I wanted a cigarette just after I quit last year. I know that’s not always possible, but it helped me when I could. I didn’t run for the food. I just went and spoiled myself with a nice long shower. After smoking 35 years I managed to quit once and for all. Not one single cigarette in 14 months. Come up with creative ways to break the cycle.
That is awesome Jan!!! COngrats on your 14 months!! That is a feat for sure!! I went in my room and blogged…that is my therapy…if I can talk about it, it doesnt get me….usually.
The reason your brother is subtly trying to subvert your success is because misery/failure loves company.
Seeing you succeed reminds him that he, too, COULD succeed, if he really tried. As long as you fail, he can remain blissfully ignorant and blame his own failures on uncontrollable outside forces.
Seeing you succeed forces him to acknowledge that his own failure is due to his lack of effort, rather than some unknown scapegoat that relieves him of responsibility for his own failures.
Very true…very very true…he just doesnt realize yet, after 34 years how stubborn I am…and I Will win, no matter what!
Good job resisting temptation! I’m not sure what your brother was thinking, but I DO know that you got this!
Thanks Val!!!