Hello Blogland! Despite all the encouragement I get from hearing about you and how you struggle and get back up, in the moment of it happening, it is much more difficult to write about the struggle in the midst of it. It is much easier to stay silent until I am sure I am on my way back out of the hole. SO much for this being moment by moment…day by day…the good, the bad, and the downright ugly! I was wondering when the last time was that I struggled really really bad…and it has truly been months! How quickly I forget the depths to which I can go.
Anyway, as you all know, this past week was my first week in my new home, in Detroit. I came right into being a full time mom to my 6 nieces and nephews (5 under 4yrs old) while their parents were out of town. I have done this before, but typically I am in THEIR home where things seem less chaotic than here at mom’s. I got nothing unpacked or sorted, leaving me feeling out of control, especially since until they left, there really was no hope for that. Then, I was eating poorly out of laziness. I just didn’t feel like preparing a 2nd meal for myself after preparing a meal for the kids and since mom had already planned their meals for them, again I FELT out of control. SO then with the exception of 2 workouts, I threw the gym out the window. I mean heck, if I was gonna be out of control, why not be COMPLETELY out of control! Why not eat exactly what I want even if it produces stomach pains and runs to the bathroom! And if I am REALLY honest with myself, after my Wednesday spin experience, I wasn’t too thrilled about going back to that Y, which means unless I am willing to have a conversation about it, I need to let some things there go.
In hindsight and through the eyes of someone pulling her head out of her A** or umm the sand…yeah the sand, I had and do have far more control than I think. Sure there are circumstances beyond my control, but I decide what to put in my mouth, I decide whether to go to the gym no matter what. I decide what my attitude is gonna be about this whole thing. SO what if my space is not in order yet! Does that REALLY have to affect the rest of my choices? So what if some stranger judges me without knowing what I can do? I know what I can do!
It also helped to get some good feedback from Coach and Aaron. OK, really it is a smackdown! Here is what I got from them.
1. I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes you a good month to really settle into a productive routine again where you are in reasonable control of your food, exercises, and available resources.
(HA! This is good to remember and to actually consider. I am still getting my head wrapped around the concept that it will take time to adjust…I am hoping for less than a month, but I will try to give myself grace in the meantime)
2. This is a long road. A few “messed up” weeks here and there is nothing to needlessly spend emotional energy fretting over. (yes, this is why Coach is Coach people…he is always good at seeing the big picture when I focus on the step in front of me too much! He is also far more patient than I about taking things easy, and setting myself up for the long haul. I just wanna blaze ahead and do it perfect!)
3. This time is different. Same principles and goals apply. Now you have a different setting to apply them within. Environment was in the driver’s seat in the past. Now you are. (YES I AM ….and to quote our President…YES I CAN!…but gosh it sure is easier in my old environment…at least in the end…I am quick to forget about the 3 months it took me to get into a good routine and develop good habits, no matter what…I certainly didn’t start out last September the way I was going in January!)
4. Do this thang. (AKA Get er done….take care of business…do what I gotta do!….Yes Sir!)
Also, what if…you viewed your current situation from a perspective of gratitude. God has been gracious enough to disrupt a routine that you had perhaps grown too comfortable in and he has placed increased challenges in front of you because he knows you can handle it. If you are really going to have lasting change you will at some point need to learn how to stick with it when unhealthy eating choices are constantly right under your nose and your workout environment isn’t the cushy and friendly DDH. How fortunate that you GET to be faced with those challenges right now to develop further strength in those areas. God must really love you and believe in you! Lucky!
OK, my initial reaction was to drive across the state and smack this man. (Sorry Aaron…you didn’t know that you were in danger!) Seriously, I had a good dose of self pity and whining going on! I don’t wanna be here! I wanna be there! I don’t like it! I miss DDH! I miss my friends! I don’t have any control! I don’t…I want….I can’t….blah blah blah! However, when I step back…he is right and he disrupted my whining! (God please don’t let me end up being like Joelle, if I make TBL!) And he is right! I am blessed! My God is not a God of Comfort, but He is one of Mercy and Grace. He doesn’t always give me what I want, but he always provides for my needs. It has been one week. I will make new friends. If I give it a chance, I will learn to enjoy my new gym and perhaps even make some new workout buddies. I might in time come to even like Ann, The Legend! But no matter what, I will become stronger. I will learn to choose me and do right by me, no matter what the circumstances. I know I can do this because My God loves me and believes in me!! I am Lucky! Thanks Aaron for pointing that out and reminding me!
Now that my update about food and exercise for last week is finally written here is some more news….get ready blogland….Coach and Aaron don’t even know this yet! hehehe
In addition to doing the Triathlon Relay again (swimming 1000 meters this time), I am going to train and see if I can’t get myself in enough shape to do two legs of a Triathlon over Labor Day Weekend. Labor Day weekend happens to be my birthday weekend and I think I really like the idea of doing something fun and healthy and for me that weekend. Perhaps this will become my new tradition. Anyway, I am for sure going to be able to swim 500 meters, but then I want to run 5K as well by September. So I will have to find a female biker, as the tri that I would be doing is an all female event. I don’t think I will have a problem finding one! By making this a goal and by speaking it out, it gives me a reason other than plain old exercise to get to the gym each day. It is highly motivating for me!
With that, I am gonna go to the gym. I know my guys are getting ready to spin their butts off with Jeff right now, so I might as well be there running mine off right along with them! Just in a different location!