Tag Archive | change

Good-Bye Jess, Hellooooo Mama!

It is official.  Wednesday night was my last session with G.I Jess.   I am certainly going to miss that woman!  But I am so very excited for her new start in Atlanta and all that is going on down there that fits with her dream for a health and fitness company.  Sad for me and all her clients here in MI, but so amazing for her!

On Thursday, G.I Jess met with the new trainer that we decided on and went over everything with her.  My history, what I can do, what I have done, what has worked and what hasn’t worked,  but most importantly, the metabolic testing results and the significance of them and what it means for me going forward.

So who is this new trainer???

I met Mama Kelly last week in a group session.  Jess had been looking at a few different possible trainers for me and really liked this one for me and asked me to go to her class to check her out.   On first impression, I thought, “this woman is way too Pollyanna for me!”  Super positive, super encouraging, almost TOO nice.  Her one pitfall was offering me a balance stick while doing step ups.  Ummm no thanks!  I can DO step ups! I talked to Jess about it and realized of course I am still comparing her to Jess and if I am going to give anyone a fair chance, I have to take off the Jess filter.  She encouraged me to meet her for a 1:1 session and then decide.  I met with her last Monday and because I was a few minutes late ended up having a 20 minute session with her.  At the end, I had no valid complaints other than her workout seemed WAY easy.  But then again, at this point she didn’t know me or what I could do. The next day, I went to get out of bed and could barely walk.  My quads hurt like mad!  I told Jess if she can make my muscles hurt that bad after a 20 minute session that felt so easy, then she is hired!

Since first hearing about her, I have had several nicknames for her.  Mama Kelly is the one that is sticking so far.  There is something about her that is just “nice”.  She has a very nurturing, motherly way about her.  Perhaps it is because I know she has a teenage daughter.  She doesn’t look much older than me…so it isn’t like she could be a “Mama” to me…I really think it is just her way.  Caring, nurturing.  Anyway…

Meet Mama Kelly!

Mama Kelly doesn’t look like your average Mama!

So I met with Mama Friday morning for my first official session as her client.  This was an assessment session. I was super excited because Jess wouldn’t let me on the scale this week…and now I get to see where things are since starting to eat the right amount of food!

I got all sorts of fresh measurements taken.  I cannot even compare them to the old numbers because the two women measure in slightly different spots.  However, a scale weight is a scale weight…and that revealed another gain.

You would think I would have been devastated by this, but I kind of expected it.  Not because I ate poorly or anything like that, but because Mark at the metabolic testing center said it could take a little bit for my body to adjust and shift once it is certain that it will get the nutrition it needs.  Seriously, I have been unintentionally starving my body for over a year.  My body is not betraying me, it is simply struggling to live.  I will give it time to learn and trust that I am truly on its side and will do everything I can to help it along in its fight to live.   If after another month, I still don’t see results, Mark has a special diet that will help reset things.  It is possible, he told me that my body basically doesn’t know how to process the nutrition that way it is supposed to anymore and may not go back on its own. (my interpretation of his synopsis).  So I gained.  Big Whoop! (I can hardly believe I am saying such things!)

She also had me get on the treadmill for 12 minutes and go as far as I could.  I was quite excited to see that I was able to hold a 15 minute mile pace for the whole time.  Getting a little faster!

Then she put me on some machines to see what weights I can do.  This is where she is different.  Jess and I NEVER used the actual equipment at the gym.  Remember, she brought in Olga and Helga and Hank and Henry to play with.   It was weird to be using machines, but not bad.  I have to admit though, there is something that feels really hardcore about heaving a 50 lb sack of sand and throwing it or dragging it or lifting it repeatedly.  Or heaving a tire up a hill, all the while trying to hit Jess.  But, I will seek to see a new kind of hardcore within this way of training.   Perhaps I will come up with new names for the new toys and will learn to relish the idea of increasing the weights as a measure of hardcore.  I know…I am far more competitive than even I ever knew…and really it is all against myself.  It isn’t like I want to beat anyone else, I just want to beat myself every time.

Then we talked about races.  She is in agreement with Jess on the race restriction thing.  They both would prefer I not do any more till we get my body responding, but they wont tell me a flat-out no to Girls Best Friend, because they know that one is important to me.  They both said no to Grand Rapids Half though.   With that said, Mama Kelly made me get really specific on my training plan for the next month for GBF.  While I will be training, I need to keep my heart rate in Zone 2 as much as possible to maximize my efforts for weight loss as well.

So now, to the best of my recollection.

Mon and Wed mornings are strength training with her.

Tues/Thurs/Sat are cardio days.  I will  run in the AM then swim at night or bike in the AM and swim at night.  Saturdays I will work on bike/run combo’s.

Friday is my day off.

Sundays…are easy walks…no race specific cardio.

This feels so incredibly structured to my spontaneous self, but I recall thriving on the structure of my Nashville training schedule (once I took out speed intervals).  I also know that if it ain’t working I can change it. And I have learned to recognize better when I need to back off and take a break before I melt down.  So communication with Mama and myself will be key to making sure that doesn’t happen.  Meltdowns are NOT fun for me or for anyone else who has to deal with me during them!

Food is the same.  Eat a net of 2100 cals a day.  Keep doing the meal plans and sending them to Mama Kelly now.  However, I likely won’t be planning a whole week all at once.  I will be planning a couple of days at a time.  This way, I at least have some illusion of spontaneity.  I can plan a little bit more of what I “feel” like into my meals.  Within reason of course.

And I think that covers it.

I am excited to be working with Mama Kelly now.  I am certain she will be good for me and confident that she will be able to pick up where Jess left off and take me to new places.  And there is Nashville to look forward to, where I can show off all of our work to Jess…when we run the half marathon there…plans are already in the works for shirts, with names on them (Jess says she won’t recognize me without a name by then!)

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The Weigh In And The Scale

Last week, after I lost 1 LB, you might recall me being pretty disappointed and that I was considering giving up my weekly weigh in’s and going to monthly ones because of how I am relating to that number.  Well, this week I knew I had to weigh in because of another commitment I have and so what ever I decided wouldn’t start until after this week.

I headed to my weigh in before work and felt pretty confident about what would show up on the scale.  My calories and exercise were right on plan all week long so I wasn’t worried or anxious.  I was shocked to see the number read out and find that I had GAINED 1.8 lbs.  I stepped off, got back on to check it again then I walked out.  I could hear Aaron in my head telling me that my goal is whole health and if I did what I was supposed to do and still gained, to not worry. (my summary of his words in the past)  Truth be told though I wasn’t overly concerned.  I knew my number had gone up but couldn’t remember my number from the previous week, so I was not aware that it was almost 2 lbs until I asked the guys how much of a gain it was.  It was when I found out that I was shocked and really concerned.

All day long, I kept reminding myself of all the changes that have occurred that are evidence of whole health and weight loss, despite the number.  Things like, running 5K on a regular basis or the fact that ALL of my old work clothes need to be altered to fit me or all the changes I see when I stand in front of a mirror like the dimples that are beginning to peek out in my cheeks.  Despite all of this, I kept going back to the number.

I do not like that I have become fixated on the number.  That is NOT the totality of what this journey represents for me.  It is NOT the way I am gonna get to “beautiful”.  I became pretty certain I was going to give up the weekly weigh ins because of what the scale has been doing to my head, but I was still concerned about not having that weekly feedback.  I, of course talked to Coach and Aaron to make sure my head was on straight about this and that I wasn’t just looking for a way to run in this area and I decided.  I am not going to weigh in again until the beginning of November.

Since then I have discovered another demon that needs to be beat back and beat down and basically run out of town.  Procrastination.  I work best and most efficiently with firm deadlines.  I know this.  This is why I signed up for a 10K.  It will keep me on track and focused on working out/training/running.  However, knowing that I do not have to face that scale and that weekly deadline seems to have given me license to slack a little on the eating front.  I would like to say that my eating went off track because my schedule was crazy and that I did the best I could.  However, I KNOW that this week, I consciously thought, well I can have THIS because I have more time to work it off.  I can also say, that most of the time, it was good and solid.

So, now my head is thinking I SHOULD weigh in weekly…because of the deadline thing.  I don’t know what I am going to do.  Perhaps I need to give myself more than 1 week of trying this before I start changing things up again.  Thoughts/Comments/Ideas welcome…I am certain I am not the only one who thinks like I do and has faced this before!

9 weeks…barely!

I lost a half a pound this week. I have officially made 9 weeks in a row of losses. I have to admit though that this is coming a bit close to the no gain/no loss or worse…a gain week for my liking! I also know that I did not work for anything more either which is what is more disappointing than anything else. If I had lost a half pound but knew I had done my best, I THINK that would leave me with a better feeling…but that is all speculation of course because that is not the case!

I have not been to the gym since last Thursday. I wish I could simply say I was too busy. Which I was, but in the last 3 months, being busy has not been an excuse to not be at the gym. I worked it into my schedule. I made it a priority. I have not done that this last part of this past week. It was easier to let it slide than figure out how to make it happen when the gym was not nearby or easily accessible.

I did have a hard time tracking calories..particularly on Saturday and Sunday when others were cooking for me and when I was standing in line for 9 hours…but I really don’t think I went over calories. If anything I was far far FAR under calories…which can be just as bad as over eating. It was not intentional to under eat, but I was not intentional in my planning for my eating for this weekend.

So that is my weigh in and the things that contributed to it.

In other things…for those of you who like graphs and charts and spreadsheets and things of that nature….here is a graph of my weight loss progress since the beginning of the year. I didn’t know my tracker would create this graph for me until then which is why I don’t have more data all the way back to September. (Gosh I hope this works….enjoy!)

My Weight Chart:
Weight Chart

I love that it is looking kind of ski slopish…ok bunny hill…but still!!! 🙂

I must die so that I might live!

I have many thoughts today, but the theme seems to be getting rid of old ways of thinking, eating, being…so that the new me can live.

Food. I like it. I really do. However, I must retrain myself to eat for nutrition sake and not for pleasure sake. In the process, I am hoping that I will learn to actually enjoy food that is good for me and eventually be able to eat for both pleasure and nutrition. As I write this, my dinner is what I have come to call “green goo”. It is loaded with nutrition. Blended spinach and broccoli, banana, apple, strawberries, and blueberries. All those things I do like but I relate to them all as health foods and blended together it is green. Very green. I smell broccoli first when I go to drink, and the first flavor to hit me is broccoli, then the berries, mostly strawberry. It doesn’t taste bad. Really, it doesn’t. SO why is it taking me an hour to suck down half of it? I know. There is no satisfying pleasure in drinking my food. There is no chew or crunch factor. And it is green!

Regardless of how I feel about the food I am eating I know that if I don’t change, if I don’t eat differently and exercise differently so that I lose weight, I will die. So far I have been lucky. At this time I do not have crazy health issues typically associated with someone of my weight. But they are coming. My grandmother, not a large woman comparatively speaking, died of a massive heart attack. My mother has already had a mild heart attack and has heart related health issues. She also is not a large woman comparatively and what weight she does have has been added in recent years. Not long term weight issues like mine. She is only 60.

Regardless of how I feel in any given moment about food, myself, my weight, or exercise…I must change. My habits, my ways of thinking, the way I relate to food…all of this must die, so that the me that God created me to be can Live! I wonder if I will be different. Or will I be a healthy version of me? Will I have different interests? I think there might actually be an athlete hidden in me. Regardless of all of those wonderings, I want to Live and live fully. I want to be able to say that my whole life is bringing Glory to God.

So there is my ramble for the day. It feels very disconnected in the flow of my thoughts, but that is what one gets when I have many thoughts! Oh by the way…I lost another 4 lbs this week!! So in the last 3 weeks I have lost 12. That is incredible! Especially since I feel like I ate horribly this past weekend!