Tag Archive | friends

Journeying With Friends

I can pinpoint a time several years ago that I can say, my journey towards weight loss and healing began.  It began with a conversation.  A really hard one.  Now granted, at that time, I was STILL unwilling to take a hard look at the sexual abuse and its contribution to my weight struggles, but I was willing to at least acknowledge it.

There was a woman in that room, in my same small group (You have to read the full story by following the link to fully understand) that day.  She was in on that really hard conversation and has, since that time, been a part of my life on some level.  By this I mean, that weekend we got to know some of each others darkest secrets and greatest shames.  We knew each other intimately, but we probably STILL couldn’t tell you what each others favorite color or food is.

Over the years, we have followed each others blogs and followed each other on FB, but rarely have we spent any time together.

In the last few weeks, she has come to join up with Leif Anderson Fitness and is working with The Kid.

Up until this point in my journey, I have never had someone who already knows me doing the exact same thing I am doing.  Many have been on a weight loss journey but we have all been doing different things at different times.

I am grateful that I get to Journey this road with this woman.  When we tell each other how HUNGRY we are…because we are on the exact same kind of program, we get it.  Just like I do with the other ladies I have come to know thru working with Leif, our first questions are, “what does your plan look like this week?”

If it is something we have had before we can commiserate and share secrets of how we got through it.  It has been wonderful to be able to talk/whine thru some of these crazy weeks with fellow Leif-ites.

But there really is something special about journeying through this, in this way, with someone who has seen the rawness of my heart,  someone who has seen some of my deepest pain at the same time as I have seen it myself and with someone who I have shared gut wrenching laughter with over that same pain.

Yes indeed, there is something special to this…and I am grateful for it.

Thank you my dear friend for having the courage to step into hope in this area of your life, for always encouraging me in my own journey and for journeying with me.

NYC And Coach!

It is 1 AM and I have to be up at 4AM to get ready for a 7 AM  flight (ironically as I type this I hear a plane flying over my house-I don’t live far from DTW).  Where am I going?

New York City!

I have never been there before and if I m honest it has NEVER been on my list of places to go.  But I am a woman of relationship and one of my most significant relationships moved there last fall chasing his dream of being a world changer.  Coach started grad school last fall and since then he has written about and posted pictures of such delightful places in NYC.  He has made NYC, which seemed like a very overwhelming place to visit, sound absolutely delightful!

I decided I wanted to go to see his new home and to visit the friend I have seen once since he left.  I cannot picture Coach in this city.  My perspective of him does not fit into my perception of NYC.  Yet, there he lives and thrives…and does his Doctoral research.  I WANT to go, but there is a part of me that MUST go so that when I think of Coach I can picture him in his lab or on the subway or in his apartment.  All of these things don’t make sense to me, I have no context for them…so in a few hours I go to NYC.

SO many have asked me what I am going to see and what I am going to do there.  I have no idea except to cherish my time with my friend.  Statue of Liberty?  Central Park?  Empire State Building?  Ground Zero?  Coney Island?  Time Square? It would seem wrong to go to this city and NOT see those things so I suppose I will.  But what I really want to do is see the things that Coach has discovered about NYC.  He has a knack for discovering all sorts of hidden interesting things and learning the history about them, then telling that history in a super fascinating way.

Yup, my way of traveling is pretty laid back and has nothing to do with the typical tourist stuff.  The stuff I want to see is ALWAYS tied to a relationship or a person in some way.  If I were to go to Paris, I wouldn’t care f I saw the Eiffel Tower or not…but I would love to find some obscure coffee shop and meet some stranger and find out the things they love about their city…then go see those things!

Now, yes, I am going on vacation.  But I am NOT taking a vacation from my nutrition plan.  I aim to prove that one can stay on plan while on vacation!  I have asked Leif to help a girl out and work traveling into his plan for me this week.  I asked for SOME wiggle room for NYC delights but that I didn’t want to go overboard.  He will be sending my full plan soon, but what I do know is that he told me that this trip is coming at a perfect time in my journey with him and it will actually be a blessing in disguise.  Then he asked me to trust him.  Hmmmm specific requests to trust someone usually make me skeptical, but I suppose he has earned some measure of trust that he knows what he is doing.  I know that ice cream has been built into my plan as well as carbs.  What I know of the coming plan baffles my brain.  I don’t see how it would possible work, but I ain’t no expert.  I just plan to follow whatever he says to do, and I am certain Coach will make me stick to it as well!

So, I am not sure if NYC is ready for me, but my bags are packed and I am ready for NYC!

Oh Coach says that I will “lose my shit!” when I see NYC.  I have been laying off the fiber supplement this week, just in case! (not intentionally, I just always forget that nasty stuff!)

Helpful Words

This year I decided for fun I would join the Biggest Loser contest at work.  This required bi-weekly weigh ins, of which I have had 2 so far.

I have already quit the contest.

The scale is not my friend.  It has not been for the last 3 years and I don’t know why I thought we could repair our relationship in 2012 and become friends again, but for 6 weeks I thought we could.

Last week I showed a gain of 10lbs!

Yes 10 lbs!

I ate salads and followed my program strictly(except for Sundays, which I typically take off and enjoy meals out with friends after church)

Logically, I know this is likely a water retention thing but no amount of brain logic could counter the onslaught of devastating emotion that filled my soul.

I cried at work all day Wednesday and after 2 comments on a FB post about it, I took the post down, knowing I would kill people in all their intended kindness and support.

Thursday I awoke angry and went to the gym to work off some frustration.  I walked out of my workout after 1 round of the assigned workout. I got into a yelling match with a friend in the parking lot who was trying to be a good friend and then…when I went back to finish my workout (because I couldn’t REALLY quit) I got called into the office by the trainer, whom I also yelled at and cried in front of.  It was a bad, bad day…and it wasn’t even 10AM yet.

It was an awful…awful…awful day…and my friends tried so desperately to encourage me but it all sounded like clanging gongs in my ears.

Except for one.

My friend Alison, wrote this on my FB wall.  “I was thinking about you this morning, Kim and grieving this long hard journey. I’m praying for you.”

Tears of a different kind came spilling out of my eyes.

Finally!

No advice.

No excuses of water weight or muscle gain.

No questions of what I did or didn’t do (aka Blame).

No attempt to relate.

No expressions of understanding.

No comparisons.

No Hoo Rahs to keep going.

No intimations about how damn inspiring I am to be going so damn long at this.

Simply a recognition/acknowledgement that This. Is. Hard. and that she is doing the only thing that matters.  Praying.

Alison’s words were so dear to me, because while she does not share the same struggle, she is no stranger to grief and suffering and pain and struggle.  She has learned, the hard way, what is helpful and not helpful to hear in the midst of suffering.  You will have to read her blog for bits of her story though, I couldn’t begin to tell it like she can.

But I am grateful for this woman whose path I seldom cross but whose life I greatly admire…who knows how to simply BE with someone in their anguish.

Lady Sharon

Since I cannot seem to organize my thoughts coherently around the Nashville run, and my mind keeps turning back to this lovely lady, I thought I would write her introduction.

First, I must say Sharon and Steve are kind of apackage deal, although I don’t mean to imply that they are together by any means.  The both have their own significant others whom they are dearly in love with…however I did meet them together and they do work out together and when I get to see them…well…it is all together….and all of this came through Demond.

Sharon, right along with Steve has been an incredible encouragement to me.   She is quite passionate about eating healthy and living healthy and yet she doesn’t pretend to understand what it is like to lose a massive amount of weight and all that it encompasses…but there are huge pieces of my story that she DOES understand and can relate to and can see how those parts have impacted me the way they have.

She DOES understand what it looks like to work hard for what she wants, to make sacrifices but more than that she is a great example to me of balance, which you know is my goal again this year.

She balances work, where she is a business owner, friendships, family, her spouse, healthy eating and healthy living…and she is happy and content.   She has incredible energy and life that just oozes from her. I seriously don’t know how she does even half of what she does in a given day.

Then, while handling ALL of this stuff, she decided to help me find some new foods to eat that are within the calorie budget Demond set for me, because she knew I was getting bored with my staple menu.  Love this woman!

and….check out this lady….

seriously.

She isn't even flexing and check out that bicep!!

Who wouldn’t want to look like this at 51….(hope you don’t mind me blurting your age)

and the other pick too in the previous post about Steve….did you see those abs???

Yeah…I could stand to incorporate some of her life habits into my life….especially if it would cause me to look as hot as THAT in 15 years!

Thanks Sharon for always looking to encourage me…I hope I can re-gift this back to you (and Steve) sometime!

It’s Coming…

It's all about the bling

I know.  You guys are all looking for the Nashville report.  It is coming.  I have been really working to get to bed earlier this week AND this week seems to have a lot of things going on in the evening that have kept me busy until 9 PM or later…meal prep, a weird non-massage….so I haven’t been able to sit down and write my usual report….but it is coming.

Here is the short story for those of you who don’t care to read my mile long report.

I went.

It was awful hard.

I ran….sort of.

I finished.  sort of.

I have amazing friends and the criteria for being a fan at one of my races has increased.  Applications being taken.

I will never do a race like this again…when I KNOW I am under trained for it.

Details coming this weekend!

Oh and as much as I SAY I am never doing this again…I am already looking forward to next year…

Final Preparations And Catch Up

I realize it has been a bit since I have last written.  It is not for lack of things to say, that is for sure, but rather, an exercise in wisdom and in biting my tongue.   Yes, friends and readers, the relationship struggle continues and I have some decisions to make and I am procrastinating that.  I figure I will at least get through Nashville without that piece weighing too heavily on my brain.

Speaking of Nashville!  OH MY WORD!  I have much to do before I sleep, much to do before I sleep!

I made the spaghetti tonight for our pre-race pasta dinner on Friday night.  Tomorrow night is laundry and packing and listing (yes I am making up words….and lists), and organizing.  I have this great fear that I will forget something crazy important like my running shoes or my running capris!

All I know for certain is that when I lay my head down tomorrow night, my car will be packed with everything except the frozen spaghetti sauce which will go in the cooler on Wednesday morning.  When I leave work Wednesday night, I will not be going back home but rather to the greatest place on earth, GR, to meet up with everybody for a Thursday travel day.

So how do I feel?  Way under trained.  I don’t feel ready.  I am super nervous about the distance. I am excited to be with my friends. I have a mental confidence that I can do this, despite my feelings because I have done it before…but it might be painful…painful…don’t forget the mega dose of ibuprofen…(see I am listing).  I am afraid I will forget something.  I am grateful.  Aaron has said he would meet me at mile 8 and run the rest of the way with me…perhaps his fiancée Erin will join him on that run!  I am excited to see my cousins (oh don’t forget to pick up something for the kiddos-more listing and multi-tasking:-) and to be able to celebrate my cousin Elizabeth’s first ever Half Marathon.

I feel honored.  This years run is about more than just me doing what I once thought was impossible.  I continue to be honored and blessed that I get to be part of the ELIM Race Team (http://www.elimretreats.org/race.php) So far, I have raised just over half of my own personal goal. At the last reporting, I am at $550.00 raised and counting. My personal goal is to raise $1000.00 for this cause and sponsor 3 people to attend an ELIM retreat where individuals in full-time ministry will have an opportunity to step out of their roles as ministers and rest and simply BE. In simply BEING, it is my hope and prayer that they will each hear God’s voice and call on their lives in fresh new ways and that they will go back to their work refreshed and revived.

If you would like to consider giving, all donations are tax-deductible. Go to this site http://www.elimretreats.org/race.php (my links are not working and really driving me nuts) to find out more about the ministry. You can also read more about how I came to be involved with ELIM in my first blog post announcing my Team Member status. https://road2beautiful.wordpress.com/2011/03/20/run-for-their-lives/

I am not sure if I will have a chance to blog again before the race, but rest assured a lengthy post race report will be coming…

2010 Turkey Trot

This morning I woke up to the sound of rain pelting my window.  I rolled over and groaned.

Nooooo please God, I can handle it being cold, but cold and rainy is awful to run in cuz I will NEVER warm up.

My next thought was….how can I get out of this?

My third thought was…Get yo A$$ out of bed!

I listened to the third thought and hoped that GOd listened to the first.

I got up and ate some breakfast, grabbed 2nd breakfast for the road and headed out the door.  My plan was to get there by 6 AM and hopefully not have to deal with traffic.

I won!  I got to the top of Cobo Hall and discovered only about 20 cars there.  I called my friend Silvery to find out where she was and to tell her of the primo parking.

Unfortunately for her, she hadn’t even left her house yet.  Umm OK, I have time for about a 45 minute nap!  SO I cranked the heat in my car, locked my doors, laid my seat back and promptly fell asleep!  I love sleeping…and I can sleep anywhere!

We finally met up at about 10 minutes to 8 and headed to the start line.  THis was Silvery’s first Turkey Trot!  As we headed to the start line, we noticed a few things.

1. It wasn’t raining.

2.  I was blazing hot in my 2 layers of pants and my 3 layers of shirts which included a Patagonia Capilene 3!

But I was grateful!  It wouldn’t be an awful cold run.  IN fact it turned out to be just about a perfect 45 degrees or so!

We started running together and we figured out pretty quick, we run about the same pace, which means that I have a running partner for the whole race, when I want to quit.  It was sooo much fun to run with someone and it was neat to see how when I was struggling she could encourage me and when she was struggling I could encourage her!  Together, we motivated and encouraged each other all the way to the end!  It was so much fun!

In the end my time was 52:29, according to my watch, not official results. Not as fast as I wanted but I KNOW I pushed myself hard and it is still under a 17 min mile!

MY HR averaged at 156 and peaked at 175.

I burned 800 calories!

Amazing!!!

Afterwards, we found Jen, Virg and Ingrid and eventually Jen, Virg, Ingrid and I headed off for some breakfast.  We found a COney Island(gotta be from MI to know such places) and I got a gyro.

Now on to Thanksgiving Day Meals.

I think I did pretty well.  I didn’t follow my plan perfectly, but I did good.  First, we had 2 sizes of plates. 8″ paper plates and then those mega oval shaped paper china plates.  I chose an 8″ one.  Steamed my broccoli.  Filled half my plate with fresh broccoli, then added some turkey and half a slice of meat pie.  My plate was full, so I didn’t try to fit mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, bread, stuffing or anything else on the plate.

That was my meal.  I never went for seconds.  Never nibbled on more later.  That was it.  I never had pumpkin pie, however my aunt showed up with her famous cookies, which I didn’t know were coming or they would have been built-in to the plan.  THe cookies I ate were small bite size things and throughout the day, I had 5 of them.  Also throughout the day I had 5 cheese/cracker combos

Add to that 1.5 glasses of red wine and that is what I ate all day.

My stomach feels awful.  It feels soo full.  I am thinking because it is a totally different kind of food than I normally eat.  I FEEL like I gorged but unless I am way out of wack in my thinking, I don’t think I did.  That is what I ate.  Unless this is like one of those distorted body image issues where someone sees themselves as fatter than they really are, and I am seeing my plate as less than what it really is….then I got nothing on why I feel so awful, physically.