Some of you may remember back  when I got my first pair running shoes and how I HATED them at first!  They were awful looking, they were heavy and clunky and I couldn’t run in them like I had been able to run at first.  It took a good week for me to get used to them and even still, I did not LOVE them.  They worked.  They provided the stability my feet needed.  But they were ugly.

Well, I am quite certain they have reached their limit in their ability to support me.  While I have not officially logged how many miles I have put on them, I am certain their life expectancy is up.  Since I am taking a running class at the local running store (oh shoot I haven’t blogged about that yet, have I), I also get a discount there on anything I buy.  Fortunately for me, they had at least 6 or 7 brands of stability shoe for me to try and I found one I liked. Correction.  I loved!

Mizuno Wave Renegade

 

 

 

 

 

 

These are my new shoes, the Renegade.  Sounds fierce doesn’t it?  I love them.  They feel like I have slipped on a sock.  And they are much lighter than the Dorkomatics.  I cannot wait to take them out for a run tomorrow night!  While they are still blue and white, at least they are a dark blue…I would prefer a bright green though!  I guess shoe makers don’t think that people who need stability shoes will care about the looks of the things!

In other news, I have succumbed to the almost weekly badgering from Coach to get a home scale.  I bought one today.  But then I weighed myself for the first time on it AFTER I ate.  Ridiculous.  Never do that!  It will always appear discouraging!  So my first weigh in on it will be in the morning, then I am not getting on it again until Tuesday.  I know, I can hardly believe I caved on my stance on this.  But what can I say, except I plan to use it in conjunction with my weekly weigh in at the Dr.s office.  And I promise, the minute I get crazy about it, the thing is GONE!!!

One last thing.  I said I planned on doing the 10K Turkey Trot in Detroit on Thanksgiving a while back.  Well, with my new job and all the adjustments, I got really behind on my running schedule and have been fearing that I wouldn’t be trained enough in time to do it.  I went to my running class tonight and my instructor thinks it is still doable as long as I don’t skip any more running days, especially after my really good run tonight.  So I am giving myself one more week and if I still feel like I can do it, then I will sign up for the 10K…and if not, then I sign up for the 5K.  My cousin Thomas is going to be in town and will be running it with me.  So excited!

This past Saturday, I drove out to GR because I wanted to see Adam before he left for UT for 6 months.  First though, I had to work.  I knew I would be seeing Adam on Sunday and so my original plan was to spend Saturday afternoon/evening with Carol.  Then I heard what an amazingly beautiful and uncharacteristically warm day it would be for November in MI and I KNEW I really wanted to go for a bike ride.  I managed to get a hold of some old friends of mine and Carol’s from our FSU days and who now live in GR but Carol has not been able to see yet.   Ben is an avid swimmer, biker, runner and has done a triathlon or two and several marathons.  We made plans that Ben and I would bike ride when I got to town and then the four of us would have dinner together at Ben and Pam’s.

I couldn’t have been more excited!  I hadn’t been able to ride Sasha Fierce in a while and I was excited to not only to be able to do so but to be able to ride with someone else and in GR!  You couldn’t get a better match up for this athletic, social, GR lover!  I got  delayed a bit on my way out-of-town, but I won’t go into that!  As I headed west all I could see was the sun getting lower and lower in the sky.  I was so afraid that I wouldn’t make it before it was too dark to ride.  I kept praying that God would stop the movement of the sun for just one hour, that is all I need!  Either that, or give me grace as I sped across the state!  I think I got some of both.

I met up with Ben at his house and we headed out for a ride.   Ben on his bike that is yet unnamed!!!  How can that be??!?!  I on Sasha Fierce.  It was a double date!  This also was my and Sasha’s first ride on the open roads, no sidewalk or trails in sight!  It is amazing how safe you feel when there are 4 of you (2 humans, 2 bikes), and 2 of those 4 are pretty experienced.  On this ride, I learned how to draft and I learned a little about pedal stroke and cadence.  Ben was gracious and patient as I am CERTAIN he rides much faster when he goes out normally.  He was also a wealth of knowledge as he gave me all sorts of tips.

The next day, with Sasha Fierce safely tucked into the back of my car, I met the boys for church then headed to lunch.   While we were talking at lunch we decided it would be fun if we could get a Mt. Bike for me to ride and go Mt. Biking on this gorgeous Sunday afternoon.  After a bit of searching Aaron’s girlfriend, Laura, came through and had a bike for me to use.  So we quickly took off, got the bike and headed back to the Mansion (Aaron’s house) to get the boys bikes together.  Who knew this would involve all sorts of tweaking and testing of all the bikes.  Oiling, wiping down, tire pressure checked, changing of pedals, before finally we loaded the bikes into the truck I was driving and Sasha came out and was left with the other road bikes back at the house.   Sorry Sasha!

We headed off with Adam expressing concern about the dwindling light.  ABS and I assured him that we would be fine.  There are no leaves on the trees anymore so it will be lighter in the forest than in the summer.  I repeatedly told him that the looming darkness would all be part of the adventure.  That he shouldn’t be so cautious all the time…he was a little nervous.  After all, I have Mt. Biked once, Aaron has never Mt. Biked and we are about to do this with little time left for daylight.  And of course he wants us to love it, I am sure.

Note to self: If Adam is expressing concern about something, TRUST HIM!!

He took us on a course that while not technically difficult (his words not mine), was rather hilly.  I kept stalling out, unable to make it up the hills.  At one point, I completely fell over after coming to a sudden stop as I tried to navigate between trees and up a hill. My elbow is all bruised up again from falling on a log.  After falling, I rolled over, between a tree, sat up and threw my arms up and shouted, “I am OK! That was FUN!”  The boys, all standing at the top of the hill watching me, just laughed.  I walked up more hills than I rode up.

Adam discovered that ABS was no longer the tail of our group as planned and insisted that ABS lead and he will tail.  He said that I wouldn’t get away with slacking with him behind me, “coaching” me.  I tell you guys, find someone like Adam to be on your side, who knows what you can do and is willing to drive you a little bit further…and you will be golden!

This course was crazy!  Very Narrow.  I almost kissed a couple trees!  Almost fell a few more times.  Almost went careening down a mountain side. and was driven to curse as I went flying down hills. Then the darkness came and I wished I had listened to Adam.  If it was treacherous during the daylight, imagine what it was in the dark!

In the end, I would do it again, if those boys would have me back that is.  It was fun, I have war wounds and tons of excitement over doing things I never thought I would.

I have to say, I am at a loss as to what is happening with my body.

Two weeks ago, I finally seemed to shift out of survival mode as I adjusted to working again and after a week of diligent work, I lost 2 lbs.  I felt good.  No, I felt great!  I knew it wasn’t a flook.  I knew I had finally managed to do the work for a week straight and the results were showing.  In my text message/report in to Coach and Aaron I said that perhaps this is the turning point for me.

This past weekend I was with Aaron, Adam and ABS heading to go Mt. biking (another blog post) when I realized I have been doing great again.  I felt good and I turned in my seat and told Aaron. “This could be the week!”

He knew instantly what I was referring to (which actually shocked me, because I said this out of the blue) and said, “It better be!”

What I was referring to is finally breaking out of the 290’s but more than that losing MORE THAN 65 lbs and breaking this barrier I seemed to be at all summer and fall.

I woke up early Tuesday morning (yesterday) super excited to go weigh in and see how bad I killed it.  I mean seriously, all week, I didn’t eat any of mom’s meals.  I made a whole bunch of chicken and vegetables and ate that in wraps or over rice all week-long.  The only “bad” eating I did was one day in GR I ate two meals out with the boys, but seriously that is all I ate all day except an apple and I feel like I made pretty decent choices.  And on that same day I ran and Mt. biked and had been able to road bike the day before.

So with all of that, I was excited.  I could hardly wait to NOT send a text to Coach and Aaron but to call them instead at 7:30 AM shouting from the rooftops the good news I had to report.

I stepped on the scale and what appeared before my eyes was shocking.  Unexplainable. Disappointing. I gained 3.2 lbs.  I do not understand.  Coach thinks I should seek professional weight loss help. I agree.   As soon as my insurance kicks in of course I will be seeing my doctor for a full workup.  But that is not until February.  I would hope that this would break before then.  Until then, I will have to be diligent in record keeping so that I have proof to show her what I am doing or not doing.

Oddly, I am disappointed, but I am not feeling crushed.  In some ways I feel kind of numb about it.  Detached in a way.  I know I just need to keep on with what I know to be true.  Consistent exercise and watching my caloric intake and eating healthy and doing healthy things will lead to a healthy body.

And as Aaron has said in the past and Adam has so kindly reminded me oh so recently, the scale is not the only measuring stick…so stay tuned to hear more about my second time cheating on Sasha Fierce.

You all have heard me mention my friend Adam from time to time.  He is the guy I used to do all sorts of classes at the Y with me when I lived in GR and we were unemployment buddies for the last year and a half together.  He is also Aaron’s little brother.   We have known each other for about 5 years, ever since I first met Aaron, but we have become friends ourselves in the last 2. He is like a little brother to me and it fits because he is the same age as my real little brother.  In true little bro fashion, he doesn’t often go to the deeper levels with me (although he does listen to me and read this blog regularly), but rather his sharing is more on a technical/fun level.  Issuing challenges, advice on form or technique or simply doing the activities with me.  He has years of  experience playing sports, so while he is not an expert, he does have a lot of practical experience.

Last week sometime, I was wondering what the heck this kid thinks when he read my blog, particularly when I write about the harder stuff or the struggles I am having.  We had a great conversation and I won’t share HIS heart with you as it is not mine to share, however, he said something to me while we were talking about the scale again that has settled into my brain.

He said to me that while the struggles are real, I seem to write more about that than about the victories I am having.  Things like Mountain Biking or running (the good runs).  Instead I have been focusing on the struggle with getting beyond 65 lbs.  He basically told me that there are other measures besides the scale to measure my health and I need to remember to focus on those when the scale isn’t telling me everything.  The scale is not the only voice to be heard in the measurement world. (yes I paraphrased his words!)

While the scale will indicate the number, over the summer I seemed to forget that whole health includes things besides the scale…like the things I can do now, mentally, physically and emotionally.

So, hopefully you will all begin to see a new mix up in my blogging as I refocus (again) on whole health.

Thanks Little Brother!  You have no idea what our conversation meant to me…or that you would be the featured friend of the week or that your words had such an impact, did you?!  I sure am gonna miss you while you are away in UT!

BTW, Adam is gonna be a ski patroller out west this winter.  He had previously told me he wanted to teach me to ski(he even added it to my goal list!)…well that is out of the question now…unless I go to UT.  What do ya think?  Should I go learn to ski on a real mountain instead of the recycled MI trash heaps?

Dear Kim,

Girl, I am so proud of you!  When I look at you from a completely objective, emotionally detached perspective, I can see the totally new person you are from 2 years ago.  I don’t get caught up in the roller coaster ride you seem to be on with the fluctuations in your weight.  I don’t get caught up in the despair of the stuckedness you seem to think you are in.  I don’t see how far you have left to go.  Instead I see a woman who could barely make it to the gym and when you did you simply walked for 45 minutes and went home.  Or you swam for 45 minutes and went home.  You struggled to get there many days this time one year ago.  And what did you do? You cried out for help.  You chose to let someone else into your struggle and you asked Coach to go to the gym with you and to call you whenever he was going.   Girl, that took some guts!  You knew what kind of guy Coach was/is!

I see your courage.  The courage to take that step and invite Coach into this with you.  And before that the courage you had to let Aaron know you were trying once again.  THen later to invite Adam to the gym with you!

I see your perseverance.  Even though you feel like you have failed so many times over and that you are at risk of failing now, you keep getting up.  In the past, months would go by before you got back up again.  But not now.  THis time you get up after a fall within days.

You have done so much this past year.  You have started running.  You have participated in triathlons.  You started biking.  You have shared your story so boldly.  You have not given up even when it was hard!  You have lost 63 some odd pounds.  Your 9-year-old nephew weighs 75!  You have tried new things, taken great risks, learned to trust others, and learned to confront your story and the hold it has on you. You have not held back.

Despite feeling like you are stuck, because I know you do, take a minute and look at where you have come from.  Learn from your past struggles and keep doing something different.  Just because you have found a new happiness doing all of these fun athletic things, don’t get comfortable here.  You still have work to do, and you have all the tools and resources you need to make it happen.  Enjoy them, but don’t stop working on your goals!

I know you will figure it out.  You will figure out the balance that will be necessary to ensure that this weight loss comes about in a wholly healthy manner.  You will figure out how to balance time, and energy.  You will figure out what needs to be given up to ensure a win.  You will do this thang, because you can’t give up.  You cannot quit.  A quitter no longer lives inside of you.

So keep going Kim.  You have a BIG life to live.  Your story is not complete yet.  I know you will succeed, even if it takes longer than you would like, because I know the One who lives in you.  The One who designed you with all of that courage and perseverance within.  The One who is using your story.

You have got this thing…No one can stop you…but You.

One more thing.  Remember Thomas Edison and how many times he failed in his attempts to create the light bulb…before he finally got it right.  He didn’t give up on his vision, and neither should you.