I don’t even know where to begin blogging.  I have all these drafts started with titles/subjects of things I wanted to blog about…as soon as I adjusted to work and could think again by the end of a day.  I think I will start off with a fun one.

Almost 3 weeks ago now, my team lead at my new job and I were talking about things we like to do.  I had sent out an email to my new team while I was in training introducing myself to them all.  In this email I had included a short thing about how I am training to do a triathlon.

Tim couldn’t believe it!  He of course only has one idea of triathlon.  Ironman.  Ummm No Tim.  Not an Ironman.  Not for me.  Not now and since it requires running a marathon (and I am quite insistent that I won’t ever desire to do THAT), I likely will never do a full Ironman.  Anyway, I digress.  We were talking about my new interest in biking as that is the only leg I have not done.  He is training to do a 150 mile MS bike ride next year himself and loves biking as well.  All of this conversation led to an invitation to go Mountain Biking with him and his buddy, Bob.  How we went from road biking to Mt. Biking, I am not sure.

Now mind you, I have NEVER Mt. biked before.  I had NO IDEA if I could do it and was not sure I wanted to take the risk of thoroughly embarrassing myself in front of 2 men I don’t know.  It’s not like it is any of my normal guys I do things with, who love me no matter what.  These guys don’t know me to love me if I totally hold them back or screw up or can’t do it at all.

But I kind of wanted to try it.  Adam has talked about his love of Mt. Biking before and I always thought it sounded kind of fun when he described it.  I mean seriously…high chance of getting muddy and wet while riding a bike!  What is not fun about that!

So I made it VERY clear to Tim that I had no idea what I was doing or if I could even do it or keep up with them.  If I am to go, he HAS to understand that I am a beginner.  His response was this.

“Kim, we are not hardcore.  We do this for fun.  Besides, you just rode  22 miles a couple weeks ago AND you are training for a triathlon.  You will be fine.”

I chose to trust this man I don’t know.  Of course I called Adam a couple of times to get all the tips I could about Mt. Biking.  He checked out the trail for me online and gave me all sorts of pointers and then anxiously waited for me to give him my post ride report. (He REALLY wanted me to have a good time and to like Mt. Biking!)

So here is the post ride report.

Mt. Biking is AMAZING!!!  It is biking on a mostly narrow path at higher speeds.  You race through mud pits and sand pits.  You fly between trees hoping you don’t hit one.  You might encounter obstacles along the way like bridges to cross or log piles to go over. (no log piles for me this day)

It was like riding a roller coaster.   You are nervous as you wait in line.  The anticipation and anxiety building with every passing minute. Then as you get going, slowly at first it continues to build.  Then you head down that first big hill and all you want to do is close your eyes AND throw your hands in the air because it is both thrilling and terrifying all at the same time.  However, there are no mega magnets holding me to the course.  I am driving and I MUST focus on the 3-5 feet in front of me at all times or else I am toast.  Ride over.  I must keep my eyes open and hands firmly on my handle bars.

As I whizzed past trees and over bridges, noises were bursting forth out of me.  Squeals of delight and terror.  I could not control them.  They were as automatic as breathing.  Tim and Bob were often just enough ahead to be out of sight but they would hear my squeals and wonder if I had fallen.  Nope, not I.  I did not fall once.  I will most definitely do this again, much to Adam’s delight!

In the end, these guys were great to ride with.  They gave me pointers, went slow enough for me to keep up and never got too far ahead that I couldn’t at least hear them ahead of me.

If I keep up with all these athletic endeavors, I will have to get a second job to support my habits and so I can get a sister for Sasha Fierce. (my road bike)  I cheated on her once, and I think it could be an affair that I will continue with…next season.

I have a post or two or five coming..really I do.  I am still alive and well and fighting hard to stay in this…my silence is not due to failure or hiding.  It is due to busyness….

Some things to look forward to reading about…

• Running class
• Mt biking
• my job
• Sasha Fierce
• Artichokes
• Adam’s Advice to me that has had me thinking

Now I must go finish my meal planning….

Wow!  Adjusting to working is taking longer than I thought.  Every process I do each day takes so much thought as I think through what I am doing.  I cannot wait until some of this stuff becomes second nature to me because, man, by the time I get home at night I am exhausted and falling asleep at 8.  I force myself to stay up till at least 10.  Sometimes I get a 2nd wind that keeps me up far later than I should be, but I certainly don’t want to be the old lady who goes to sleep before the kids do!!!  I am only 33 and without children!!

As a result, I come home with full intentions of cooking a nice healthy meal after going for a run or ride before it gets dark.  Unfortunately, despite being one-armed due to surgery, my mom has been cooking every night.  I get home and a hot meal smells so good and I have no mental energy to fight the deliciousness coming from the kitchen that is mom’s unhealthy cooking or to cook something different for myself.

So, I haven’t been tracking, I haven’t been cooking, and I haven’t been exercising.  I have failed on all fronts and in a not so magnificent way. I have eaten McDonald’s and KFC on a couple of occasions.  I hate that!  I was doing soo good at resisting those things!

I also think the not weighing in for a whole month is working against me.  Every time I eat something without counting it…basically everything since I said I was waiting to weigh in…I think, “it is ok, I have the whole month!”  Well guess what!  It is almost the end of the month and I have had more bad days than good.  I know my reasons for attempting this was to alleviate the wonkiness I had about the number, but I think this is worse.  I will take the head wonkiness about a number over this procrastinating, self indulging, “I can do what I want” bull shit I have been telling myself any day.  I am weighing in on Tuesday.  I am certain I won’t like the number, I certainly do NOT want to report this number to Coach and Aaron, but what can I do but own it and move on, right!?  It isn’t like they or anyone else is gonna love me any less for it.  Sure they might be disappointed…but so will I.  On some level though, I feel like I have let them down…and you all who faithfully read and have been encouraged by my journey.  Those two guys of mine have invested a lot of themselves into my journey.  They have both spent countless hours encouraging me, listening to my whining, and building me up.  Adam should be included in that group as well for that matter!  So I hate that feeling.  But even more than that I hate that I have let myself down.  This feeling really sucks.

So, I have done some research.  My local Running Fit store offers a free running group on Monday nights.  I will be there starting next week. (Tomorrow night I am Mt. Biking with a guy from work and his friend Bob!)  The store also offers a running class on Wednesday nights.  I will be starting that  this week.  I am hoping this will help prepare me for my 10K on Thanksgiving, especially with my speed.  That is 2 nights a week, that I will be committed to others to run with them and one I will be paying for!  SO despite everything else, all I need to do is get my but moving 3 other days each week, at least. I can do this.  I know I can.  I gave myself time to adjust to the work schedule.  I am done giving it time.  3 weeks is enough.  I am now taking control again.  No more excuses.

I went to a Mercy Me concert tonight.  They had an opening act by a guy named Jonny Diaz who I have never heard of before.  He played this song called “More Beautiful You”  As he introduced the song, he talked about how he is learning as he is recently married that women just want to feel beautiful but that we are given this image of what beautiful is and how that image is so warped.  I think this song and its sentiments are awesome!  The idea of not having to look perfect to be beautiful or that our beauty is not derived from what we do.  However, I also think, at least for me on this journey to “beautiful” part of it is knowing from within that I am beautiful.  Not NEEDING to have affirmation from some guy of my beauty or worth.  While it is wonderful to be told and affirmed of my beauty, I wonder if part of our beauty is revealed when we inherently KNOW and believe we are.  I don’t know if that makes sense or not, so go listen to the song and read the lyrics and BE BEAUTIFUL today!

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight her body isn’t fake
And she’s always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you’ve already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you’ve got a man but he’s got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there’s a man whose love is true
And he’ll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

**I was waiting to post this until the official race photos came out…but I can’t get a picture on here, until I pay for it…sooo I am tired of waiting…so publish it I will and you will see the picture later!  This race was 2 weeks ago.

Things I learned doing my first official 5k

• official results – the 20 means 20th place among my age group.  There were 20 in my age group!  262 overall.  Not sure how many total 5K runners there were…817 was my bib number.  Not bad.  I finished.

           20  Kim L  MI 817   33   262   52:10   16:50/M

• People are crazy.  When in a mass start, they will push and shove anyone out of the way just to get in front.  It is kind of like getting swam over in a triathlon, except you are running!
• My running is slower than a LOT of people’s walk.  I didn’t mind getting passed by walker’s until my friend passed me.  Then I kicked it up a notch and she didn’t get that much further ahead.
• It is not a good idea to do your longest run EVER (1.5 hours and approx 5 miles) 2 days before you are scheduled to run what is SUPPOSED to be your long run of the week.  Legs are TIGHT!
• City of Wayne, MI policemen are ALL hot!  I thought perhaps it was just the “man in uniform” syndrome, but nope, every last one of them was hot! (I was surprised to see myself noticing this, I don’t usually find guys attractive until I get to know them)
• Something about race day makes running seem exciting when any other day running the same distance seems like drudgery.
• People are crazy.  Correction, I am crazy.  I just PAID money and drove over 40 minutes to do what I could have done for free, 2 miles from my house and on beautiful trails as opposed to city pavement
• I am far stronger now than I was even one month ago.  I took 3 minutes off my last 5K time (the tri) and I never once questioned my ability to get to the finish line.  I didn’t need Coach there with me either being my morale coach so  I could make it!
• At the end of the race, there is a burst of energy that comes out that says “I can run like Forrest!” and makes me run very fast, passing the friend that has been walking in front of me for the last 3 miles!
• There is nothing better than the feeling you get when you cross the finish line and you KNOW that you just did something that you previously thought you would never be able to do…in a million years…
• At the end of the race, all questions I had in my head about this time being different vanished.  I KNOW that this time is different, because I have chosen to make it different, and this time I have chosen to go the distance…until I win. No matter HOW. LONG. IT. TAKES.