I am finding that this process requires all sorts of Jedi mind tricks to get through to the other side. You have already read about how I will make/buy delicious things that I want and then choose to give them away. This next one is more of a conscious shift in how I choose to relate to this journey.
Quite often, I find myself frustrated by what I cannot do/have. In the physical training realm, I MISS my really fun Crossfit workouts. I miss the high intensity badassery of it all. I miss throwing weights and dropping them. I miss running and training. The last four years, part of what has kept me going is the shorter term goals of races to run and things to do just because I can! When the weight wasn’t coming off I could console myself with the fact that “at least I can run a half marathon” or “at least I can do a spring triathlon”.
Now, the fat is coming off my body but I am not allowed to do those things I have come to love(at least for a time) because it isn’t the most effective method of training for how Leif and Tate are manipulating my body nutritionally. I often try to reframe my goals, but another 150 lbs sounds too daunting to take on. So I break it down into smaller goals. 50 lbs. But the reality is, I cannot control how or when that happens. That is Leif and Tate’s job. I just get to do what I am told. Sheesh! No wonder I feel so out of control. I have chosen to trust 2 virtual strangers with everything that relates to my fitness and nutrition planning and while they tell me following the plan is always my choice, the alternative doesn’t really feel like a choice at all!
So quite often I find myself whining.
“I can’t eat another friggin egg white, Tate!”
“I can’t walk alone every single day Tate, I am bored out of my mind!”
“No, friend, I can’t Crossfit with you today, I am not allowed.”
“Ummm, no I can’t do sprints, it’s not allowed this week.”
What I have begun to do to counteract the effects of the “I can’t” is come up with the things that “I GET TO”
I GET TO eat food that has the best nutritional profile for my goals.
I GET TO walk each day, move my body, and lately, I have a friend to do it with.
I GET TO do the kind of workouts that will further my long-term goal of fat loss, priming my body to be at its very best once I am released to run, tri, or Crossfit again.
I GET TO order my body in such a way that it reflects the freedom that I have received on the inside as I have walked out emotional healing.
On any given day my list of “I can’t” changes and grows. Each day I GET TO, re-frame how I am thinking so that I can see the benefit.
A bit Pollyanna-ish? Perhaps. But as long as I am not stuffing my emotions and I am actually processing them out, then I say, what ever works to keep me in the game and on the field.
Today, actually, right NOW, my big I CAN’T is. I CAN’T stay up to eat my last meal, I am sick and need my rest.
I GET TO stay up a little while longer, knowing I came home early from work and did plenty of resting. I GET TO give my body ALL of the nutrition it needs so it can fight off whatever I have come down with. Less nutrition will NOT help me get better faster.