Taking A Look Back

“To be able to look back upon ones life in satisfaction, is to live twice.” – Khalil Gibran

Recently, I met with my Pastor for my regularly scheduled monthly meeting.  He was checking in with me on how my life was going and happened to ask specifically about my diet plan.  As I thought about what to share with him about the reality of where I was/am at, I realized how thankful I am for this journey.   That night, when I got home, this picture floated across my FB news feed.  As I looked at it in light of my journey, my Road to Beautiful, this is what I noticed/saw in my mind’s eye.

1.  While this photo is taken from a high place, if I notice the height of the other peaks, it is an indicator that there is still more to climb.  In my journey, I am not done yet.

2.  As I look back down into the valley, I realize that the valley is a beautiful place.  While in it, it has at times felt like a wasteland, but the reality is, there has been much growth down there in that valley.  I have learned so much about myself and how incredibly strong I am.  I am capable of so much more than I ever thought possible and even now, while I think I am pretty strong, I probably STILL have no idea of the potential within me.

3.  In my mind’s eye, as I think back over my hardest moments, I recall NOT BEING ALONE.  I think back to facing my sexual abuse and all the people who surrounded me in that.  Guarding me.  Protecting me.  Praying for me.  Listening to me.  Challenging me. Allowing me to…BE.  I recall, food temptations of mass proportions that Aaron or Coach have saved me from.  I can envision me walking through the valley and climbing the mountains of challenges and being surrounded by others.  Sometimes being pushed.  Sometimes pulled.  Sometimes encouraged and yet others chastised.  Sometimes it was a single track where I HAD to lead the way and other times I could walk side by side with someone right next to me. Some have joined my journey for a brief time only to have to diverge onto their own path and others have been with me the whole way.

What NEVER happened though, is that I was never carried.  I had to take every step.  If I had to stop and rest a bit, we rested together.  This journey has been my own, but I am grateful that I am being allowed to see a bit of the whole picture and to see and know that I have NEVER been alone and I still am not alone as I continue the climb.  It has been long and I have been tired at times.  But I am grateful for this journey of mine.

I have often wondered what would things be like if I had not had this long struggle.  I can honestly say, I don’t think I want to find out who I would be if it had all been easy.  Even now, while weight is coming off, it is not easy.  Not by a long shot.  I am grateful for who I am…and for who I am becoming…and who is yet to come.

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