Yesterday was quite the day. It started at 4:45 AM and ended at 3 AM for me. 99% of this day was amazing…I will write about the amazing later though.
I was going to write this post and call it “A Letter To A Lech”. I was going to kind of poke fun at a situation I found myself in last night but the more I think about the situation, there really is nothing too funny about it at all. It is rather heartbreaking and sad really. (Some words in this post will be intentionally mis-spelled to prevent certain search terms from coming up when certain words are searched for.)
Let me explain.
Facebook has been a wonderful tool for re-connecting with people for the yester years. Recently, I reconnected with an old friend from my diaper days. Our moms were good friends in the neighborhood I grew up in and I wouldn’t be surprised if someone somewhere has pictures of us kids bathing together. I have not seen this family for at least 17 years, so when the one guy, Doug, found me on FB and we started talking I was quite excited.
Last night was a party at a bar for one of the siblings wives, so really the whole family would be there which would be a great chance for me to see everyone all at once. Doug and I figured we would go, do some dancing, hang out, have a couple of drinks and re-connect.
Well, we got there to find this was not really that kind of bar for one. This bar was a show bar. The bartenders/wait staff’s job was to entertain you with their antics, get you loud and rowdy and as drunk as possible so you spend more money. There wasn’t really a dance floor, people danced on their bar stools.
Backing up a bit, before we got there, I told Doug that I am not into the whole s3xual kind of dancing. You know, where you get all up in each others business and should some random guy get up in my space and won’t take my cues to step off, then he may need to intervene.
So, we head in, I see all the siblings I used to hang with as children. They introduce me to their friends and it all starts out well and good. I don’t often go to clubs like this and when I do I tend to sit back and people watch as I am fascinated with what people will do in such a place. I was sitting next to my old friend Shannon and this guy was across the table. He has 2 girls on either side of him standing on bar stools dancing and he was quite pleased to find himself eye level with these women’s butts and hoo hah’s. He had no qualms about touching what was being shaken in front of him. At one point Shannon leans over and informs me this is her fiancée.
Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t have know they were together, that is how little attention he paid her…not to mention his behavior with these women. I can’t help but wonder what this man does when he is NOT with his fiancée if this is how he behaves in front of her. I couldn’t believe she was ok with this.
At some point this guy reaches out and grabs my hands and tries to do some sort of weird hand dance…I pulled my hands away and began looking for Doug. This guy tried to tell me I looked angry and I should smile more or drink more. At this point I have no respect for this guy and could care less what he thinks of me. Nor am I about to smile or laugh with him and therefore further encourage his behavior.
At some point he comes around the table and steps up into my space and begins “dancing” on my leg. Mind you, I am not dancing, have not indicated I wanted to dance and am clearly sitting down. I told Shannon to take care of her guy and she simply laughed and said, yeah he is a h*rn dog.
Hmm well he is a dog…and he is acting like a dog in heat.
Doug was nowhere to be seen. So I grabbed a drumstick that this bar gives out so we can make noise with them by banging on tables and chairs and I poked this guy in the stomach with it. Not too hard, but hard enough so he would get the hint that I am not playing around.
He stepped back and told me I should be nice.
I looked him dead in the eye, and told him he needed to get out of my space now. I was not vacating the space I was already in. I fully believe had he not stepped back I might have hit him.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to find out what I would have to do next because he pouted and went back to his side of the table and the girls on the stools.
I signalled for my tab and waited for Doug to get back so we could leave. I was done.
As I was leaving, this guy asked if he could have a hug. I said no and walked away.
On the one hand, I am pleased with my ability to stand up for myself. I am grateful that I think more of myself than to put up with that kind of crappy behavior that is sooo disrespectful…and I am saddened that my old friend somehow believes that she has to put up with that. I am angry that this is his way of “loving” her in the most disrespectful way possible and that she puts up with it. I wonder what kind of men her brothers have grown up to be that they also allow their sister to be disrespected like this.
I can’t help but think that if I allowed this to happen that my brothers would be all up in my business and in his, letting us both know what is up. If I showed up at a gathering of my friends and some of my male friends saw this behavior, I can tell you, that something would happen. A conversation would be taking place. Coach and Aaron would have my hide if I ever let a guy treat me like that!
I am really grateful that I know some really great men who know how to treat women with dignity and respect and who know how to defend them when necessary. I am glad that I won’t settle for less than that.
I am grateful for Demond’s self-defense classes. While I did NOT execute a single move he taught me since he never taught me how to get out of a creeper dance situation….hmmm maybe we should review that one some day…I distinctly recall him telling me that after you avoid a hit from an attacker, you need to turn and face him head on with confidence. He will recover his balance and turn to see what happened and if he turns and sees you standing there ready to take him, He will likely run, because he will realize you are not afraid.
I was not afraid.
I was not going to back down.
I had this lesson in mind when I looked him in the eye and told him to step back.
I am grateful for my ability to handle this situation and that I didn’t have to find out how far I would need to go to make my point clear.
I am saddened by my friends situation and that she is with the Lech, whom I cannot even call a man.