Bitter

I am a bit behind on blogging(again) but have some time this  morning so figured I would catch up.

A few weeks ago I GOT MAIL!  Nope,not email.  Regular old snail mail.  It was a race registration form.  I get these in the mail a lot these days since I have done a few races now.   So, really this was not a NEW kind of mail for me to receive.  With race registrations, they are often to races I have done before and I look at them and remember when I last did that race….and I smile in recollection of fin times to be had.

Super5k 2010?- the first 5k I ran without fans/friends running with me or cheering from the sidelines.

Corktown 2010?- ummm this was the awful run turned great run when I realized I ran with a fever and the flu and passed out(literally) the next day on my friends floor.

Nashville 2010- Hello!  Need I explain the memory of the hard work and time put in for this one and the feeling of sweet victory as I crossed the finish line of my first ever half marathon.

Are you getting my drift?  are you pickin up what I am layin down?

So this time I saw a race registration and wondered which one it was.  As I looked it all over I realized where it was from.  It was from The Fifth THird River Bank Run in Grand Rapids.  A 25K  That awful race I attempted 2 weeks after my big victory at Nashville.

This was the race where I had a police escort starting at about 1/4 mile in because I was ALREADY the last runner.

This was the race where it took me over an hour and 3 bathroom breaks to get to the 3 mile aid station only to find it already packing up.

This was the race that hurt from the beginning.

The one that I.  Did. Not. Finish.

I hate that race.

I did not run for over a month after that one.  I had no desire to run again and was afraid I had forever lost something new and thrilling that I had found.

I took that race registration and immediately threw it in the trash without even considering whether I would attempt it again.  In that moment and even still, I never want to run that race again.  I know.  One day, I may decide I want to redeem that run and be able to say that it did NOT beat me.

But not this year. Nope, not this one.

That same week, I was cleaning out my closets and dresser and I found my river bank run t-shirt.

I never wear it.

Almost all of my race shirts I wear with great pride.  Those I don’t wear I look forward to the day when I can wear them(they are too small, cuz apparently runners don’t wear anything bigger than a size large in some races)  But that shirt, every time I see it, I get angry and bitter.

I folded that shirt up and tucked it way in the bottom corner of my t-shirt drawer.  I can’t bring myself to throw it away, but yet I cannot wear it either.

Yes.  Something tells me I will run the River Bank Run 25K again one day.  But no, not this year.

This year, I am going for a repeat of my greatest run ever, the Nashville Half Marathon.  And yes, it is 2 weeks before the RBR!

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2 thoughts on “Bitter

  1. Holy wow – another half? You are a rock star! (And yes, I’m totally late to the party & catching up on 4 posts I’ve missed.)

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