weeks posts ago, I wrote about Hope. I talked of hope and not wanting to hope because I feared the feeling of disappointment that comes when one hopes too much. I talked of not being able to control hope and how I can try to stamp it out or hide it or minimize it, but in the end…hope happens.
So this week, I am heading into another weigh in and this time I am embracing hope. In all its fullness, I am daring to hope out loud and I am finding that hope brings a sense of
Don’t get me wrong, there is still a lingering sense of fear that my hopes for tomorrow’s weigh in COULD be dashed and I could be left with a strong disappointment and Demond may have his first Kim Meltdown on his hands. (He has yet to see this. Perhaps I should have had him talk to Jess or Coach or Aaron to get some tips on how to handle me when such a thing happens)
However, I could have lived this past week in fear, which is one emotion that seems to come along with hope, although I am certain the author of that emotion is NOT the same as the Author of Hope OR I could choose to live in the sense of ALL THE OTHER emotions that stem from Hope.
I chose the latter this week and I am glad. I have been less worried about this weigh in. In fact, it wasn’t even officially scheduled until Thursday when Coach texted to ask when he was getting an update again. He, for once, wanted my numbers before I did! I knew it was coming though. I turned Demond down 2 weeks ago when he tried to get me on the scale at 4 in the afternoon! I told him he was on CRACK! Then, last week I avoided it altogether and would have denied him the scale then too, but only because I knew it was THAT time and I would have been retaining mega water.
I am excited for tomorrow. I am daring to hope (OUT LOUD) that FINALLY I will dip, ok more than dip, back into the 200’s again.
I know this sets me up for possible great disappointment and a possible meltdown. But that is a risk I am willing to take. I am fearing those things less and less these days because I know now, after 2.5 years of this…I will get back up. Again and again and again and again. I know now that my meltdowns are shorter and shorter in duration and I recover much quicker from them.
Besides that, I can’t shield myself from all disappointment in life. It comes and it shapes me. It builds my faith and my character. So it can come, if it must…because I am not giving up my hope!! Not today. Not tomorrow. Not Ever!
What are you afraid to hope for and are you willing to dare to hope out loud for it? Are you willing to share your hopes with someone else so they can grieve or celebrate with you as life unfolds?