Some Kind Of Wonderful

If you have read the My Story tab that I have on my side bar or along the top header then you know that a good part of my story and my weight struggles has been tied to some pretty significant events in my life, namely childhood sexual abuse.

A few years ago, God began bringing men into my life and showing me that men can be good and trustworthy and safe…so much so that I went from having very few male friends (sure I knew men, but I wouldn’t randomly call a male up to hang out), to having Coach and Aaron and Adam be my primary people who I called on for help and support in this journey.  I know.  Crazy.  Right?  I mean, I went from always being suspicious of men and their intentions to this.

Well, if I am honest, I used to tell Coach and Aaron that there aren’t any other guys like them and that whoever God has for me has some pretty high standards to meet.  While sure, THEY are amazing, I still often had and have suspicions about male intentions.  Going further, it is those suspicions and fears that had led me to declare that I would never have a male trainer.  I mean seriously, a trainer relationship is a pretty intimate relationship.  They know all of your most private numbers.  Numbers that we don’t, as women, just toss around even amongst the girls.  A trainer knows your body and what it can do and has to touch it, either while correcting form or guiding a movement or during stretching.  Yes, stretching is MOST intimate.  No one…and I mean NO ONE touches my fat, except my trainer or my doctor…so yeah…can you see why someone who does not easily trust men and who has had my experiences in life would say, HELL NO to a male trainer?

Well, I got Demond, who IS without a doubt, male.

And can I just say once again that God is good?  I feel like he continues to stretch me in this area.  I declared no male trainers and well my situation turned into one where I decided ANY trainer that could produce results would work, male or not.   This set me up for meeting Demond and being open to him.

God seems to be taking it further and raising my expectations for my guy, whoever he may be, even higher by bringing more QUALITY men in to my life as living examples of what I can and SHOULD expect.  Let me tell you a little story.

The other night, Kyra and I met up with Demond and the A2 Fitness Pro Family for dinner.  After dinner, we were getting ready to leave and Darrell (of Darrell and Drea SSN 9 Black team of TBL) asks me if I had gotten my headlight fixed yet.  He remembered from 2 weeks prior, that my headlight was out.  Now I hate this kind of car stuff.  I know this is an easy fix, but I always feel so dumb with car stuff, so I tend to let things go longer than I should so when he asked I kind of turned away and ignored him.  He then declared that when I saw him on Sunday, he would fix it.  WHAT!?!  What man does this?  Seriously?  Just offers to fix it?  He doesn’t even know me?  But I guess that is what good men do???

So I am kind of floored by this.  I mean I live with 2 men (brothers) and they don’t offer stuff like this and one of them is an aircraft mechanic, but if I asked him you would think I asked him to replace the engine!

So that just kind of rocked my world.  Then I got in my car and was sitting there for about 10 minutes responding to some texts and what not and letting my car warm up when I looked up and noticed Demond still in the parking lot too.  His truck is kind of hard to miss.  It is BIG!  I didn’t think much of it and continued to do what I was doing.  Finally I pulled out and he immediately pulled out too.

Instantly, I realized that he had been waiting for me to leave before he left!  I asked him if he had been waiting for me and his response was that I wasn’t supposed to notice.  Well, his truck is not the most stealth vehicle so yeah…

The next day I was driving to work and I continued to think about this.  I mean, why was this SUCH A BIG FREAKING DEAL?  I felt silly and didn’t say anything to anyone all day about it.  But it rocked my world.  Seriously.  I don’t remember half my drive in to work because I was lost in thought and actually when I “came to” I was 3 miles past my turn for work and ended up late.  The feelings I was experiencing was baffled, protected, cared for, loved, vulnerable, confused.

Finally, later I decided to bring it up to Coach.  I mean, I couldn’t make sense of why this was so mind-blowing for me.   Here is what we concluded.  Demond, waiting for me in the parking lot and Darrel offering to change  a headlight spoke hugely to the part of me that simply wants to be protected.   Part of a man’s design is to be the protector and a woman’s makeup is one that wants to be protected.   That piece was not there for me growing up.  So seeing this new way for what protection and care and kindness could look like just blew me away.  Coach’s exact words as he tried to explain my own feelings for me really hit things on the head.  He said, “a man is taking action to protect you.  this is a fundamental doubt attached to your wound.”

Yes.  Yes it is. I don’t expect men to protect me.  I do it myself.  I handle what I need to handle, even if I procrastinate some of that stuff for as long as possible.  If anything, I expect them to let me down.  Afterall, a man who I should have been able to trust in my life violated that trust horribly.  It is quite a vulnerable and yet cared for feeling to know that 2 men took action to make sure I was safe without me asking for help.  They are just doing what comes naturally to them and until they read this they will have had NO CLUE the impact his actions have had on me and why.

So God is good. My poor guy is either being set up to fail hugely as he is gonna have even higher standards to meet now or I am being set up for some kind of wonderful as He continues to show me what I SHOULD expect and can expect from men who simply show up in who they are meant to be.

And as for having a male trainer…God couldn’t have given me a better one.  He is proving himself worthy of the ranks of Coach and Aaron and Adam in my life.  Quality, safe, trustworthy men, whom I measure all other men against.

So thank you Demond and Darrell(if you read this) for being gentlemen and for rocking my world this week…without even trying to.  I am loving being part of the family!

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Some Kind Of Wonderful

  1. You an d I have a similar background and when my wonderful female trainer moved 3,000 miles away I didn’t think I’d be bale to make that adjustment. First I found a wonderful young guy who took me to whole new levels of strength, then he went back to school, and now I work with another guy who I would welcome into my house like a little brother. It does kind of make me pause sometimes when he puts a hand on a muscle to make sure I’m doing a move right or worse, when we are stretching and he hops onto the table and straddles my leg and gets kind of close, or when he does something truly unbelievably thoughtful, like get on the floor beneath me when I’m afraid of falling so that he is prepared to catch me. I wish my sons could learn from him! It’s a good thing.

    • oh my gosh!!! If Demond ever got on a top of me and straddled me….I might freak out a bit…ok alot…he might get hurt….but I totally get the touching thing…the first time he touched me during a workout I had to do a lot of mental talk…oh man…he is gonna have access to my WHOLE brain when he reads this!!

      I have gotten used to Coach and Aaron doing thoughtful things…it is when new guys do stuff that it gets me.

  2. Kim, this is a wonderful post, and I am SO glad that you have such quality, caring men in your life. God IS healing you, one day at a time, from the wounds you’ve suffered. How wonderful is that?!?

  3. Kim i really understand u when u say things just because i am with u on so many in this post i do think Demond and Darrell is two of the most AMAZING BEST THOUGHTFUL ENJOYABLE FASCINATING AWESOME WONDERFUL FANTASTIC WARM-HAEARTED MAGNIFICENT GLORIOUS SPECTACULAR STUNNING”BIG SEXY&SWAGGER” LOYAL TRUSTY RELIABLE CHARMING PLEASANT FRIENDLY FANCY need i go on men . i love them both with all my heart…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s