ok, I am 30 minutes past my curfew, but I gotta write a quick update.
Yesterday I received my wake up call and proceeded to stay in bed too long and ended up having to do my 2 sessions in 1 in the evening. Eventually it will sink in that it is EASIER to do 2 45 minute sessions than 1 1.5 hour session. All was good though, I burned 1000 calories and did a whole mess of stuff.
This morning, Demond came out and did his first official weigh in with me with BMI numbers and measurements taken. He refuses to tell me the numbers which I agree with is best given my history with meltdowns with the numbers. My last known weight with Kelly was 310. His only indicator is that I am now less than that, but I don’t know by how much. I am pretty stoked about this. This would be the first loss I have had in a year and a half! Oh for this to become a trend!
Going forward, we have set a goal of how many lbs per week we want to see low/high. Each week he will weigh me, and give me a thumbs up or down. Thumbs down does NOT mean a gain. It will simply mean that I didn’t meet the goal. I could have lost 1 lb but because that is not the goal, it get s a thumbs down. From there, he will tweak whatever needs to be tweaked to meet the goal the next week. On the flip side, I will not know if a thumbs up simply means barely meeting the goal or if I blew the goal out of the water.
Between my 2 workouts today, I did 20 minutes on the stair climber (10 in the AM and 10 in the PM), I don’t remember what else I did this morning, but then this evening I did 2 mile son the Octane and 20 minutes of incline intervals on the treadmill. Total for the day was 1000 calories burned.
Now for a bit of clarification on my last post, then I am off to bed. All other thoughts will have to wait to be expressed!
I got to talk to Aaron yesterday and while talking he said to me, “Kim, it doesn’t sound to me like you have lost all hope.” I realized of course, while I KNOW this to be true, that may not have been adequately expressed and in talking to him, I came to realize how much of a daily and sometimes momentary battle this is.
Yes, there are many exciting and good things happening in my life. THings that bring me joy and excitement. At times, that cloud of sadness and anger and whatever else is there settles down quite heavily and becomes all-consuming. You know those times. Those times I declare myself to be melting down or near quitting. I think those all happen to the best of us. What I was meaning to express the other day is that, in spite of all the good stuff that cloud seems to just linger, really dampening the joy and excitement of things to come. Making it difficult to wade through at times. I DO battle it out. I DO constantly remind myself of the truths that I know. And at the same time, there is a sense of being afraid to let myself hope too much…
I hope this makes sense. I am really tired and trying to clarify. Basically, it is a daily battle. One I refuse to lose to the enemy of my soul. If anything, the battle just pisses me off and adds fuel to my fire and determination to keep on…yeah, that demon has pissed off the wrong Human!