Psyched Out

I am finding it interesting to notice what stops me.

Last night on the Octane, when I looked at my HR and saw it getting pretty high (over 60ish %) I would find myself slowing down and going into a recovery mode.  For whatever reason, my brain tells me that I can’t DO that and fear kicks in.  I start imagining myself passing out or falling off or some other horrible thing.

I noticed this last week when I was with Demond too.  The difference was that he was there to push me past that point and knowing he was there provided an element of safety for me.  I don’t know why the numbers mess me up, but they do.  SO last week with Demond, as we were getting ready to head into another sprint that…if I really pushed it could be the end and I could get off the blasted machine, I made him go get his sweatshirt and cover up the numbers.  Now I must not be the only person who does this,because he did not question it at all.  Good Man Demond.  I am not sure I had oxygen to explain!

In the end I pushed it out…although I did slow down a little bit.

Going back to last night, I was recognizing the same thing happening.  I was getting caught up on the HR numbers on the screen and panicking that it was too much, to hard, too fast…too dangerous…

At the same time, I was seeing other numbers that confirmed what Demond told me last week which was that I could pull out a mile in under 9 minutes…if only I wouldn’t slow down and quit early.

Knowing this was happening, I covered up the HR numbers with my bandana and only focused on the numbers that spoke positive stuff to me.  The ones that were screaming “You Got This Thang!”   And I did it. It was a proud moment.

But then I gotta wonder, how often do we get psyched out of something that we really want because of fear or self-doubt?  I have so many people (other numbers) screaming at me that I can do this and I can win this and to not quit early…and yet when I see certain numbers (scale) I just get taken out by fear and doubt.

Up until starting with Demond, I think I had gotten temporarily taken out.  Sure I was doing my workouts with Kelly and I was mostly eating ok.  But my heart wasn’t in it any more. I was not really living as though I was after something.

Well that is changing.  I am charged up.  Motivated. And not about to be taken out by some little ole numbers!

It also helps that Demond isn’t gonna tell me them.  It also helps that I can recognize when I am doing this in a workout and can push harder.  Having Demond once a week is going to be great.  I will get to meet with him to get pushed harder than ever.  I will see what I can do and then I can go back and push myself even harder on my own.    After all, this Journey is my own.  The Results are mine to own, regardless of what they are.  No one to blame or credit, but myself.

Done being psyched out…it is time to get psyched UP!!  Now…I wonder if I can pull out an 8 minute mile or 2-9 min miles on that Octane…:-)

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