This afternoon my 2 brothers and I spent some time together. We were really just avoiding being home because my dad had been visiting….for 3 days straight and all of us were somewhat DONE to say the least. But that is another story for another blog altogether I think.
Anyway, we ended up at a putt-putt/go-kart place. Jon and I got there first and I suggested we do the go-karts while we waited for Ken. Then I had an awful thought. “What if I don’t fit in those micro-cars?” I am sure I could get in, but what about buckling in and then even I can do all that, how horrifying will the exit be? All of these questions came as I watched a man, who was not an overweight man by any means, but he was rather extra-tall, struggle to get buckled in. Seriously, it is one thing to not be able to ride cuz you are too tall. Height cannot be controlled. It is quite another to not be able to ride because you are too fat.
I looked at my younger brother, who is not exactly known for his sensitivity and I asked him if he thought it would work. He looked it all over and said absolutely.
I doubted him. He assured me he had been there go-karting recently and there was plenty of room. He fails to see that he is smaller than I though. I pointed this fact out to him. He then looked around and saw a heavier woman exiting the ride. He pointed her out and said, “see, she was able to ride!”
Ummm brother dear, she is about half my size!
He looked me up and down, looked at her and was adamant that she was at least my size!
I didn’t ride. Neither did he. We did the batting cages instead, which now makes me want to consider a softball team next year!
But back to this body size issue. I tend to think that people look at me and just don’t see how big I really am. I mean, there was the time 2 winters ago that Adam thought I would fit into his XL snow pants and now he seems to think I will fit into a kayak. Jon thinks I am the same size as this woman. People seem so certain that if I went to Cedar Point this year, I would have no trouble on the rides. I tend to disagree.
But now I am wondering, is the issue mine or their’s? Who has my body size all disproportioned in their brains? Do I see myself as bigger than I am? Do they see me as smaller than I am? Is the truth somewhere in the middle? What is reality vs perception here?
Those who love me no matter what just may not see my size first like I do. They just see me, my heart, who I am and love me no matter what. My size doesn’t matter to them. That is not to say they don’t see it, it just is not an issue for them like it is for me. Therefore, do they see me as smaller than is true?
I don’t know. I suppose it doesn’t really matter if THEIR image of my physical body is distorted a bit…but it kinda does matter if MINE is distorted, right?