For whatever reason, my old blogspot site has been sending people over here more frequently than in the past, so I decided to go take a look at it again. Nothing has changed on it since last APril when I moved my blog to here. Everything remains as I left it. As I was looking things over, I noticed my weight ticker. Ironically, on April 24, 2010, I weighed the EXACT same as I weigh today.
I began to get really discouraged and to spiral. This is SOOO not good. I hated the feeling of self defeat that rose up in me. That feeling that screamed you are the same as you have always been and you will never change no matter how much testing or working out or changing of behaviors you do….you are destined to be fat your whole life, so you might as well give up!
Yeah. That. Awful. Feeling.
Then I realized something. I updated the ticker on wordpress the other day. I clicked on blogspot’s ticker and what do you know? It updated here too! What a relief!
So, I don’t know what I weighed on April 24, 2010. I suppose I could go into the ticker archives and see but it doesn’t matter. I am not the same person I was back then. I didn’t have the knowledge I have now. Yesterday doesn’t matter. Only today matters.
I can choose to live in regret of the past year and the seemingly lack of progress or I can look back and see where I was and who I was and compare that to now. I am a better person. More committed than ever to this journey. I have learned much about discipline and how much of it is required to have what I want. I have learned that I am far stronger than I think I am. And I have learned that there is NOTHING I cannot do!
So. That. Awful. Feeling? Be Gone!
Second random thought.
Saturdays with nothing to do are awful for me as far as eating is concerned. If I am not busy and scheduled, I will eat anything and everything. I get lazy and feel entitled to be lazy because I have worked so hard the rest of the week. That blasted entitlement, just gets me in trouble. That feeling has to go too!