I had my weigh in and assessment yesterday. My plan to NOT see the scale number until I met with Jess fell through since they were incredibly busy at my Dr.’s office. I ended up weighing myself and seeing the results first thing in the morning.
I currently weigh 303.2
Yes, that is a 4 lb gain from a month and a half ago, despite a change in eating plan and increased workouts with Jess and of course triathlon training kicking into high gear.
Needless to say, I was upset. I cried all day long, barely holding it together at work. I was angry, I was confused and I was scared. I asked myself a ton of questions all day. COuld I have done anything different? Did I cheat more than I thought? Were my not so good days more impactful or worse than I thought? Perhaps I shouldn’t have skipped that workout or 2?? Am I just repeating history? Am I just going back the way I always have in the past just at an even slower pace than ever before? How have I sabotaged my results? Why is this number so freaking important to me? Do I just need a break from all this? What MORE can I do? What am I doing? How much more can I take?
In the end, there were no clear answers except this: I worked hard. I have accomplished alot. This number does not accurately reflect what I have done. This number is not about what I didn’t do, because I did the work. If the math is correct, I should have lost 12 lbs in the last 12 weeks. But I didn’t so what ELSE is going on.
After crying through the day I went and met with Jess. We talked for almost 2 hours and NEVER actually worked out. The first 45 minutes I just cried my frustrations and fears and concerns and anger and all of it. She said lots of good things, but more than that she made me say out loud and recognize what I have done in the last couple of weeks, Such as my lack of floatability, and my lack of wardrobe, 1800 calorie burn days, 24 minute 1/2 mile swims…things like that. She made me recognize AGAIN the measurements that matter, the ones that are the true evidence of a life changed. But even better than all that, she listened. She let me simply be upset.
Soon though I was sick of crying and was ready to find out the rest of the numbers. If the scale was gonna be awful, at least I could have something positive to take from this assessment, right? ummmm sorta.
I lost a 1/4 inch in my thighs and another 1/4 inch in my neck.
ok…she showed me the page with all my numbers listed and asked me what I thought.
I don’t know what I am supposed to think. Should it could it have been better? Measurements are a new thing for me. I know with the scale, 2 lbs a week is healthy and attainable and reasonable. But these, are foreign to me. I suppose I would have liked to see more inches gone. I suppose I would have liked to have seen my hips change, since they have not changed at all since we started taking measurements. But regardless of all that I suppose, this is what I got and it will have to be what it is, for now.
We continued to talk about all sorts of things, mostly a plan of attack and theories on what is happening. Here is what is boils down to.
- She has been figuring my caloric intake based on a mathematical equation. The equation works for many people, however in others it can be pretty off track. She is thinking that it is the latter for me, which means, I am likely STILL not eating enough calories, especially considering what I am burning during workouts.
- My workouts that I do outside of her training sessions may be too intense. Because I am always in training for something, I am always pushing myself in speed, or distance or time. Therefore, my heart rate is always being pushed out of the ideal fat burning aerobic zone. While I do a TON of cardio in my swimming, biking, running, it is no longer effective for my weight loss goals because of the intensity. Also, because I am always in training mode, she has no days/times that she can work in cardio for me to work in that ideal zone. Her suggested solution was to lay off the races for a while. I am allowed to do Bostwick this weekend and my August one (Girls Best Friend) but I am NOT allowed to sign up for any more triathlons or races. I didn’t ask but I am assuming 5K’s are ok, because I run a 5k all the time. It doesn’t take extra training for me to do that. This also means the GR Half Marathon in October is temporarily off the table. I may be allowed later to do it, bit for now…no.
Sooo basically, I have been working my A$$ off and shooting myself in the foot in terms of actual weight lost. This however does not negate all the positive things/changes that have occurred. It just means that I am not maximizing the results I want.
I am having some metabolic testing done. I just got it scheduled today, for July 13th. These tests will figure out without a shadow of a doubt what my calorie intake needs to be based on my true Resting Metabolic Rate as well as how my body uses oxygen and energy at different heart rate levels. This information will in turn tell me what range my HR needs to be at to burn the most fat. With those two very accurate numbers, I should begin to see the lbs melting off.
I am excited for these tests! Until then, the plan is to kinda relax a bit. Eat responsibly, healthily and frequently, but without killing myself to count every calorie and to exercise but NOT in a training mode. Swim or Bike or Run or work with Jess, but not back to back in the same day.
So while Monday was awful, it was also SOOO good to feel every bit of the emotion tied to it all. It was also awesome to realize how quickly I rebounded. By Tuesday morning I was hopeful again and ready to keep going. Not once did the thought of quitting enter my mind. It wasn’t even an option. And now, I am good. Excited to get some scientific answers to why my body isn’t conforming to my expectations.