Entitlement

Have you ever worked out really hard, burned lots of calories, felt incredibly good at all you have accomplished then destroy the hard work by going and eating something that you know is awful for you, because you feel you deserve it?  Are entitled to it?

I am noticing that as a thought pattern/eating pattern for me.  It doesn’t happen all the time, but on occasion it does and it has cropped up in the last couple of weeks.   On several occasions in the last month, I have left a really intense workout with G.I Jess and was heading home to make dinner but was already super hungry and was already pretty spent.  I didn’t like the thought of being so exhausted already and having to go home and cook a healthy meal as well as prepare everything for the next days meals at 9 PM.  SO instead, I would let myself off the hook from part of that by justifying a McDonald’s run or a yes folks, even a KFC run or 2.  I deserved it after all.  I have worked hard.  Harder than ever.  One meal won’t hurt.  But the scariest of all was…no one has to know.  In truth, even at this writing, I do not know that COach or Aaron know about this yet.

I also used a conversation I had with G.I Jess about my food log to justify this.  She had taken my log and read it and came back with some thoughts.  Probably the biggest thing was that I was not eating enough for what I am burning.  During the conversation she said she  would rather me eat something like KFC instead of being so short on calories all the time.  Now I know full well that she did NOT mean for  me to go out and actually get it.  Her point was to EAT MORE healthy food so that is not even an option or a necessity.  I twisted her intent in my head to help me justify this poor food choices.

The upside of all of this, is G.I Jess knows.  And has rewarded me well for it.  In fact, I told her last Monday as we were starting a 30 minute session that was SUPPOSED to be followed my an hour of biking for me while she taught her Boot Camp Class.   After I told her, she just told me that it was ok.  I am human after all.  There will be consequences however and to leave my bike in the car and to stay for Boot Camp.

Ummm no, I need to bike.

Oh you will, she says, but after Boot Camp.

You see, I had skipped my previous Friday morning swim because I slept thru my alarms then skipped my bike ride at night.  So she knew this and had already been thinking about having me stay for Boot Camp to make up for Friday.  Having told her this, just solidified her thoughts.

She proceeded to tell me how she planned her BC class around me and it was going to only be a half hour instead of an hour today.  Surely I can do a half hour, right?

Folks, when your trainer reduces a normally hour-long class to a half hour…be afraid. VERY VERY AFRAID!

We literally ran stairs for half an hour.  This was my reward for skipping workout and making poor choices.

When we were done, she told “NOW go get your bike.  I expect a report of how your ride goes and it must be at least 30 minutes and I want to know how many calories you burned.”

Seriously?  I don’t know that my legs will pedal.  I am just gonna go home.

Nope you are not, she says.  Go get your bike.  You have a scheduled bike ride to complete tonight.

Crap! (I rode)

So now.  I no longer feel entitled.  But during all this I had to ask myself this question.

How come I so quick to believe that I am entitled to eat crap?

How come I am slow to believe that I am ENTITLED to being healthy and fit?  A gorgeous size 10 or dare I say a size 6?

Am I not more entitled to the 2nd question than the first?  I mean, if God did not create me to be unhealthy and fat…why am I so quick to believe I am more entitled to that than the other (that I actually AM entitled to, by means of my Creator!)

Note:  The more tired I am, the harder this feeling of entitlement is to resist.  GRRRRRRRR

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3 thoughts on “Entitlement

  1. Thanks for stopping by and the sweet comment.

    I found you via blog surfing under weight loss maybe. It might show up on your stats page to confirm.

  2. Dude, get out of my head. I was “chatting” (online) with a friend today about how cutting out nighttime eating has been interesting and hard for me. Some of what I shared:

    My entire adult life, I’ve had a habit of snacking in the evenings while dinking around on the computer or watching TV. Being on HCG has totally changed that; I usually eat dinner around 6/7pm and then nothing after besides tea. At first I felt really deprived by that, but I explored the reasons WHY and realized it was an EMOTIONAL snack, not a physical one. That may sound silly, but I discovered the reason I was eating then wasn’t because I was hungry, but because I “wanted” or “deserved” or “needed” a “treat” or a “reward” at the end of a long day. I’m learning to discern those feelings from hunger, now.

    I don’t know why it’s so easy to believe we “deserve” unhealthy food and so hard to believe we deserve to be healthy, strong, and fit. I DO know that one of the most important pieces of that puzzle is understanding our disordered thinking about stuff like this. So good for you for making that discovery!

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