The Dreaded Fat Slap

I am not sure if I wrote about this before, I looked back over all my old posts and couldn’t find anything, so if I did, my apologies.  I know I shared this story in my TBL video last winter/spring, which is probably why I am not sure if I shared it here or not.

Anyway, anyone who has ever had a massive amount of weight to lose will know EXACTLY what I am talking about when I talk about the Phenomenon of the Fat Slap.   For those who don’t know, let me explain.

When a person of a certain size exercises vigorously strange things happen.  Weird noises are emitted from the body that should not be there.  If one does the given activity once or twice, it can sound like a fart, which of course is quite embarrassing!!  However, if one does the given exercise/motion repeatedly in a rapid fashion, it can sound rather like applause…except there is none!  Again, quite embarrassing!

What kinds of exercises might cause this sound to be emitted you ask?  Well, just about anything that causes you to move up and down.  Jumping Jacks, Jumping Jessie’s(jacks followed by a squat), Olga squat pulls, anything that is jumping related really or really really fast running!

What causes this you ask?  Again, let me tell you, for those who do not know.  A brain may tell its body to jump or run as the case may be.  So the body jumps.  However, what happens is, the body starts its return to earth long before the belly has had a chance to get up to the height of the rest of the body.  The body lands and shortly thereafter, the belly lands too…and slaps against the body…causing the dreaded “noise”.  Coach says this is my body applauding my efforts….I however, want it to withhold its applause and simply show its appreciation by growing smaller and smaller and simply SHUTTING UP!!

So how does one combat the dreaded Fat Slap?  Well, one doesn’t run at high rates of speed.  One doesn’t do jumping activities.  By refraining from such activities, the body is not forced to go in two directions at once and ultimately meet together in that humiliating fashion.

So…you must know, that I am not just talking about the Fat Slap in theory.  Sadly I have experienced it and work hard to never experience it again…up until now, my work has been mostly in avoidance methods.  However, when one hires a trainer to do a certain job that they are trained and experienced in doing, it is best I shut up and listed and do as they tell me to, right?

Theoretically.  However, when G.I Jess tells me to jump in some fashion I find myself timidly doing so.  She has pointed this out to me, about how timid I am being, but I am not sure she knows why.  (well if she reads this she will know now:-)  When I am supposed to hop backwards into a squat and then pull Olga to me, I first hop one foot back then the other.  Part of this is a balance thing.  NO WAY do  want to fall in front of all the mirrors and the entire gym!  Part of it may also be due to leg fatigue, at least at the end of a set.  However, much of it has to do with Fat Slap avoidance.

I realized all of this tonight when G.I Jess asked me to do a two footed jump and hit the pads she was holding with my knees, 15 times in a row.  At first I didn’t think I could do it.  I don’t like jumping!  I think I have good reason, don’t you?!  I started out pretty timidly, first one foot then the other going up.

She didn’t like that move.  After a couple tries I got a “Good Job” from her.  However, with that one came the “noise” and I reverted back to my one-footed ways.  Now mind you she is standing right in front of me,bent over.  In my imagination her entire view is taken up of my belly going up and down inches in front of her face and then…out pops this noise…Awful I tell you!!  Awful!

While I have all this going on in my head, I also want to do this stuff right.  I mean seriously, if I am not going to do what she asks me to and trust her expertise, why am I paying her?  By the time we got to the second to last set of this awfulness, I was finally getting comfortable with the motion and she wanted me to attempt it without a pause between jumps.

“Dear Lord, she knows not what she asks for!”, I thought.

I did it though and with every jump I heard, “SLAP!  SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!….PAUSE….1 FOOTED…Pause…SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

Either she didn’t notice or simply did not care or had no idea what the noise was.

So for my last set, I decided, I would just pretend it wasn’t happening. I did it.  Shot off 15 jumps in a row, no pauses.  Lots of Slapping going on….but whatever…one day, the Fat Slap will be a distant memory…for me and for her.

It is fascinating to me as I sit here, how much internal conversation goes on about this stuff and how much it holds me back from what I say I want.   I mean, what if there is another reality.  Perhaps no one notices, but me.  No one hears what I hear or sees what I see.  What if Jess heard nothing and saw nothing but a woman working hard, doing hard things.  What if I lived as if THAT were the opposed to all the above fodder.

I am certain this won’t change overnight.  I am sure I will still hesitate when she wants me to jump.  I am sure I will still have fears of grand embarrassment.  But perhaps, each time it will get a little bit less until I no longer hear the Fat Slap myself, regardless of my size.

Yes, that is where I want to be.


14 thoughts on “The Dreaded Fat Slap

  1. Good for you for pushing through! It’s got to be difficult for you to deal with those situations. I’m impressed about how you handled it. Honestly, she probably doesn’t notice it.

  2. Hey There! Thanks for checking in on me. I have been around, just not on the computer as much cause of the nice weather!

    This post made me smile! I agree with coach! 😉 Applause.

  3. For the record, this was SUPPPOSED to be a funny post…somehow that didn’t happen…It was hilarious when I told it on video and to the girls at the running store!

  4. Kim–as we have discussed before–I totally understand where you are coming from with this post. The fat slap (or applause as I now try to think of it) is my constant companion. 🙂

  5. lol I get it now!! lol I think I was more focused on u doing the exercise & not falling back more than anything…yes, u were a lil timid but, i wasn’t gonna let u NOT do it…back to those negotiation skills :-/. Thankfully these exercises are just “hurdles” & I mean just that. They are meant to be overcome.
    I ❤ this blog now, seriously I'm gonna get on top of reading like I should…good to know how u "REALLY" feel, when u give me that look after I show u an exercise & u say "OOoooK"–head cocked to 1 side & eyebrow slightly raised.

    & yes there will be more Jumpin Jess', Jump Squats, Mtn Climbers…etc (had to make sure I threw that in there)

    • wouldn’t expect anything less…I found it funny tho, that I posted this and it seems since then you have had me doing a LOT of jumping things…at first I thought it was intentional…but since you jsut NOW read it…I know it was purely coincidental…which makes it funnier and now obviously a God intervention of sorts! hehehe

  6. I had to post a response. I actually found this blog by doing a search for “fat slap” because I was so embarrassed today when I went running. I was hoping to find a way to stop it.

    No luck on that front. However, there is some comfort in knowing that I’m not some freak that this has only happened to.

    Also, randomly, it seems we’re in very similar places. I’m going on 31, started this journey at 375 and today weighed in at 289. I’m also from Michigan. I figured I had to give a little wave and let you know that I’ll definitely be checking in to see how you’re doing. Congrats on how far you’ve come so far. Keep up the great work!

    • the only way I have found to stop it is avoidance methods….which don’t work really well, given the goals we have….so I don’t recommend them…

      I am glad that in Nashville, there will be lots of live music when I am haulin’ bootie to finish that thing in 3.5.

      Anyway…welcome to the Road Brenda…and congrats on your losses so far! Keep it up@

      Where are you in MI?

      • Thanks! I noticed if I jogged a little slower, it wasn’t too bad. Hopefully this won’t be an issue soon enough 🙂

        I’m in the Novi area, although I work closer to Howell/Brighton. How about you?

        Thankfully today was a beautiful day to go out and run; quite often MI weather doesn’t cooperate. It was my first day of trying the couch to 5k program. I have a long way to go.

        • I live in Wixom, work in Livonia/Redford area. I run a lot at the state park over here and at Kensington. If you ever wanna run…let me know! I sooooo need a running partner!

  7. Nice to hear you’re so close. I will definitely let you know about the running. I could barely do a minute straight of running yesterday, so I have a while to go before I can keep up with you. I’ll get there though and then we’ll have to go; I bet Kensington is awesome to run at.

  8. I found this website and post after googling “fat slaps” because last night I went walking and decided to do a couple of sprints. All I could hear was “slap! slap! slap!” I was mortified! Sometimes I do this at the gym on the treadmill with headphones on….is this what other gym-goers have been hearing from my butt and/or belly? I thought I was going to die at that though, haha!

    Anyway, nice to know I’m not alone!

  9. Pingback: 11 Days And Counting « The Road to Beautiful

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