My Shrinking Ass, Part 2

This is the long awaited guest post by Coach! Enjoy!

Coach

To be truthful, I really had to think back to recall all the details of the fateful moment — especially since it wasn’t until very recently that I even knew the moment in question was fateful.

I remember it was evening or full-on nighttime, and I was driving home. I was about two miles away from my apartment. I’m not sure if Kim called, or if I called. I think I called her to check in on her, but I could be mistaken. I do know that I was in one of my extra playful moods.

Kim is right. I really like wordplay. I also like to say shocking things sometimes. And though I have been known to shock people with my words on occasion, I’m actually quite careful about what I say. I weigh out what I believe is just a touch past the comfortable envelope for the people present with me in conversation. But this time. With Kim. I remember catching my breath after I said what I said. I remember my words being something like “I love watching your ever increasingly shrinking ass.” (Which is a lot of syllables to get right, by the way. Not an easy phrase to roll off the tongue either. I am kind of proud of myself that I got it out without flubbing it.) Kim started laughing hysterically.

To be clear. I wasn’t saying that I loved watching Kim’s ass. That’s creepy. I’m her friend. Have been for a long while. She’s like my sister. Saying I liked watching her ass would be like her saying to me that she appreciates my hip line. (Don’t ask me what a “hip line” is. I don’t know. I don’t want to know. But it’s a thing she likes on guys. Thank goodness — she tells me I don’t have one or at least not one she likes.) What I was trying to communicate in that moment was how much I was noticing the results of her efforts and how much I was enjoying her success. But it came out kinda wrong.

While Kim was gone in her fit of oxygen deprivation, laughing hysterically, I was freaking out a little bit. That phrase was well past my normal shock zone when talking with Kim. Had I really just talked about her ass? Had I really just said I liked watching her ass?? Awkward. I like to think I’m quite respectful when I express anything about a woman’s body. To have said this to a friend and one who is dealing with weight and body issues? Aiyh. I don’t recall prior to that moment ever commenting on Kim’s appearance. I’d always felt extra sensitive about doing such a thing so I just made it a point not to. She and I would talk about health and weight loss and how she was feeling and her perceptions about herself. But I was careful with my words in relation to her body and appearance. Did I really just talk about watching her ass?? Mind you this small crisis all transpired in my head in a short eternity of about three seconds.

As Kim regained her breath, I started to chill out. I had said what I said. Couldn’t take it back. No sense in trying to take it back. Her ass was, in fact, shrinking. I had, in fact, noticed. She was laughing so it must be okay. Right. Right?

Not so much.

I let the whole thing go in the minutes that followed. Except for the phrase “ever increasingly shrinking ass” (which I liked and kept handy), I never thought another thing of it. Until that night. When I was sitting on the other side of a camera and lights asking Kim questions as we filmed raw footage for her second Biggest Loser video. Somewhere in there we got on the topic of what had succeeded in the past in bringing her to failure. She started talking about how attention from men had derailed her. Then she got this look on her face. That look you see when people are on talk shows and they realize they could confess something they’ve never said out loud before. Something about cameras brings this out in people. Maybe it’s the sense that cameras are objective and are incapable of judging that brings a sense of safety. Whatever it is, she got that look. And then she explained the whole story about my commentary involving her ass. I. WAS. SHOCKED. Me. The guy who likes to shock people now and again. She just totally won. I had no idea. In fact, I, who tends to be quite wordy, was speechless. And Kim seemed quite nonchalant about the whole thing. Of course, she’d had maybe two years to process it all. I was just trying to catch up.

In the end (so to speak), I’m glad things went the way they did. I wouldn’t have believed you if you had told me, at the time, that that one comment would graft me into a new dimension of Kim’s growth and healing. But so it seems it has. There are stories of God speaking through people. And, he obviously has a tremendous sense of humor (farts? duck-billed platypuses? you with me, people?). Perhaps in that moment it wasn’t so much me speaking as God using that crazy phrase to begin something new in Kim. If so, I think it’s utterly wonderful that I got to be a part of such ridiculousness and played some role in where Kim has come today.

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13 thoughts on “My Shrinking Ass, Part 2

  1. This is gold.

    But I would like to know this: If something were to send Kim reeling and she started putting on weight again, would you say something to her about her ever increasingly growing ass?

    Kim told me this story on the phone almost a year ago. As someone who has had many of the same demons, I understood completely how that comment could send her back to jump street. I can tell you the events that have sent me into self-destruction. She can do the same. This tells me that at least on some level, we’re learning. I have loved listening to Kim’s stories about you. I love the encouragement intended by the shrinking ass statement. I love that you were on the Crazy Kate rescue mission. It is honestly incredible to me that you ran a complete race with her to be supportive.

    Its nice to know that my schoolgirl crush on the infamous Coach is completely founded.

    My favorite wordplay? “In the end (so to speak)…”

    Brilliant.

    • hmmm I cannot wait to hear COach’s response to your question….I think I know the answer…

      As to your crush….EWE!! That’s COACH!!!

      Muahhahaha!!

    • Angie,

      Would I say something if she started reversing course and undoing all that she has accomplished? You bet. Yes, I would.

      Your question caused me to come to a pretty humbling thought. It was my words that caused Kim to stumble and fall last time (which is pretty humbling all by itself). She said I was the only one, at the time, who kept checking in on her. And I was feeling pretty good about that. But after my fateful comment, she faded away, and the reality is that I said nothing. I didn’t grasp what was happening. I have no memory of what unfolded in her weight loss effort and how I played into that in the weeks and months after that phone call. So maybe I checked in longer than most, but I dropped out when it counted the most. Having told this story and now knowing Kim’s past and triggers and ways of hiding and realizing that I didn’t say anything after all this went down, I hope I’m that much more motivated to keep on her, um, ass. So thank you.

      A schoolgirl crush? Well aren’t you sweet.

      • Great response.

        If I were an alcoholic, my friends would plan an intervention. If I were addicted to heroine, my inner circle would certainly speak up. But if I put on 30 pounds, no one is going to say a word because it might “hurt my feelings.” Not that it is anyone elses responsibility to make sure my weight is kept in check. But I think it might be refreshing to hear someone say “Really, Angie? Really? Again?!”

        Thank you for this post, Coach.

  2. I wish we all had a Coach in our lives to spur us on to do better and support us through the process. Thanks for sharing “your side” of the story!

  3. Romans 8:28 (New Living Translation)
    And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

  4. Wow, Kim, just caught up on the shrinking ass series…you are incredibly blessed to have someone like Coach in your life. I know you know that already. I can completely relate to why that comment would send you on such a downward spiral. I love your honesty and how you share so many of your emotions here with us…I’ve been so reluctant to get ’emotional’ on my blog, I guess because I’m scared to put myself out there like that. It’s difficult though to try to keep the physical separated from the mental – they are so intertwined. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us!

    • Josie, I know. Coach is wonderful. And he is human. Love him all the more for it.

      As for emotions on my blog. The Road t Beautiful is about more than jsut weight loss. It encompasses spiritual, emotional, physical and mental health. Therefore, you get it all. It helps though to know that while it seems I am all “out there” that it is still quite anonymous. I have a limited and selective group of friends in my real life who know about this site. Those who know, know about it because I have asked them to stand with me or because we started sharing one day and I thought that they could relate to something I wrote about. I have one family member that knows about this, my brother. So while it seems risky to expose myself as I do, really, it is a relatively safe way to share all of what is inside without mush risk of abandonment or some other crazy something that might happen if people knew everything.

      Sheesh, now that sounds cowardly. I don’t mean to say that sharing as I have is not without risk. It is risky. But I guess ultimately, I want change, lasting change, more than I want to hold that stuff that binds me up in.

  5. Pingback: Perception vs. Reality & A Different Kind of Exposure :35 and Shrinking

  6. Thanks Kim for your response here. I want you to know that your response really spoke to me and I now see the importance of confronting the emotional issues as well as the eating and physical ones. I hope you don’t mind that linked to this on my blog yesterday. Thank you so much!

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