I was talking to Coach today about my “tired-ness” that I am experiencing once again on this journey. When I told him I simply wanted to check out and coast for a while and not think about any of this for a period of time, he simply said “ok”.
Wait! Why do I need his permission to take a break anyway?
Hold up! Who does he think he is telling me it is ok!?
Seriously? That is all it took to have one of my key people agree that a break is ok?
Suddenly, I wasn’t so ok with a break anymore. It started to smell of something rotten. Quitting. Giving up. Failure. It even started to smell a bit lonely and sad.
I am sooo not going there. I have come too far. However I do need to figure out a way to balance this journey out a bit. It seems I am all in or right on the edge of being all out. Either I am doing it perfectly or I am failing miserably. And of course I can never let anyone down and if I do then I just gotta hide out for a while in hopes that they won’t say anything. I think that may be what is exhausting me. This mental striving for perfection and never wanting to disappoint anyone followed by the beating myself up because of course I am not perfect and I will always fall short. But what can I say, I am that kind of girl. Yes, Coach, I am certain I have bruises on my brain from all of this beating up I do.
So, my goals for the new year so far include:
- Balance on this journey
- No speeding and no grandpa driving on this road, a nice respectable even pace
- Repeat this phrase every day until I believe it and can live it out.
I am not perfect! I do not have to be perfect! I will fail! I will get up again! It is ok!
I am not perfect! I do not have to be….
Thanks Coach for the Jedi mind trick thing you did to me! No my fellow readers, Coach was NOT agreeing to a break for a breaks sake, unless I really really needed one. He was being intentional in trying to snap my head around. Testing me if you will. It worked! (of course he explained this to me AFTER I reacted all crazy-like and got all upset that he would let me off so easy 🙂 HAHA!