Last week, after I lost 1 LB, you might recall me being pretty disappointed and that I was considering giving up my weekly weigh in’s and going to monthly ones because of how I am relating to that number. Well, this week I knew I had to weigh in because of another commitment I have and so what ever I decided wouldn’t start until after this week.
I headed to my weigh in before work and felt pretty confident about what would show up on the scale. My calories and exercise were right on plan all week long so I wasn’t worried or anxious. I was shocked to see the number read out and find that I had GAINED 1.8 lbs. I stepped off, got back on to check it again then I walked out. I could hear Aaron in my head telling me that my goal is whole health and if I did what I was supposed to do and still gained, to not worry. (my summary of his words in the past) Truth be told though I wasn’t overly concerned. I knew my number had gone up but couldn’t remember my number from the previous week, so I was not aware that it was almost 2 lbs until I asked the guys how much of a gain it was. It was when I found out that I was shocked and really concerned.
All day long, I kept reminding myself of all the changes that have occurred that are evidence of whole health and weight loss, despite the number. Things like, running 5K on a regular basis or the fact that ALL of my old work clothes need to be altered to fit me or all the changes I see when I stand in front of a mirror like the dimples that are beginning to peek out in my cheeks. Despite all of this, I kept going back to the number.
I do not like that I have become fixated on the number. That is NOT the totality of what this journey represents for me. It is NOT the way I am gonna get to “beautiful”. I became pretty certain I was going to give up the weekly weigh ins because of what the scale has been doing to my head, but I was still concerned about not having that weekly feedback. I, of course talked to Coach and Aaron to make sure my head was on straight about this and that I wasn’t just looking for a way to run in this area and I decided. I am not going to weigh in again until the beginning of November.
Since then I have discovered another demon that needs to be beat back and beat down and basically run out of town. Procrastination. I work best and most efficiently with firm deadlines. I know this. This is why I signed up for a 10K. It will keep me on track and focused on working out/training/running. However, knowing that I do not have to face that scale and that weekly deadline seems to have given me license to slack a little on the eating front. I would like to say that my eating went off track because my schedule was crazy and that I did the best I could. However, I KNOW that this week, I consciously thought, well I can have THIS because I have more time to work it off. I can also say, that most of the time, it was good and solid.
So, now my head is thinking I SHOULD weigh in weekly…because of the deadline thing. I don’t know what I am going to do. Perhaps I need to give myself more than 1 week of trying this before I start changing things up again. Thoughts/Comments/Ideas welcome…I am certain I am not the only one who thinks like I do and has faced this before!