Mixed Bag O’ Nuts

A post full of randomosity…

I had a fantastic interview today.  The two potential supervisors seem to have a fondness for sarcasm and teasing.  I would fit right in with either of them as my boss.   The interview was more like an easy conversation among friends.   Completely comfortable.  I didn’t feel like I was reaching for answers or trying to spin anything to make it sound slightly better.   After an hour and fifteen minutes, they ended the interview.  I will know by Friday if they want me back for a 2nd interview.  If I get hired, I would be working by October 5th.  Despite all of this, I find myself staying as low key as possible about it, downplaying it, afraid to hope, and not wanting to let myself want this too much.

After the interview, I went and weighed in.  I had started a new page last week that logged my daily calories and how much time I spent exercising, each day.  Nothing big, nothing crazy, just an additional line of accountability for myself since I knew I was starting to fade away and hide.  Whether anyone looks at it or not is not the point, the point is that each day I know I have to write it down.  Here.  On the blog.  Knowing I had this log, I knew my calorie intake last week was good.  Great actually!  Only one day I went over calories.  I didn’t work out as much as I thought I did though.  But despite that, my calorie level is such that even if I didn’t exercise, I should be losing 1 lb a week.   All this to say, I was excited for today’s weigh in.  I was actually looking forward to seeing the scale and then the jubilant text I would send to Coach and Aaron.   As I drove there from the interview, I just kept thinking I am gonna get to send a double good text (interview and a loss!)  But that was not in the cards today.  Somehow I gained 2.1 lbs this week.

I am very frustrated and discouraged and yet I know I did the work.  The scale just is not my friend this week.  It will come next week.  At least that is what I am telling myself until I believe it and until then, I keep doing the work…and trying to avoid the super size bag of Tootsie rolls mom bought!

The Biggest Loser started tonight.  In fact it is on now as I write this.  Part of me wishes I was there.  Part of me is glad I am not.   Part of me is grateful for the painstakingly slow process I am in, because the chances of regain are much less this way.  Part of me wishes I could put the process on warp speed.   I want to be there and yet I don’t.  I just saw one woman almost quit and I thought “Seriously??  You are gonna throw this opportunity away?  My opportunity?  You are gonna throw away?”  Then as I watched all the drama unfold, each of the contestants have some sort of life tragedy that has contributed to where they are today.  I thought, my story would fit right in here.  Except it won’t, because my story no longer has me, I have it! (At least most of the time anyway)  I am not saying I am better than all those contestants…I am just in a different place.  I have already begun coming to terms with my “stuff” and dealing with it and working on the weight loss.  I just wouldn’t have provided any  drama.  But I am still disappointed I am not there.  Grrrr… hate that!

I got a road bike!  I officially have all the tools I need to be able to do all three legs of a triathlon next spring/summer. I will post pictures of the bike and the ridiculous story of how I got it soon!  Remind me if I forget, it is funny!


4 thoughts on “Mixed Bag O’ Nuts

  1. I know right where you are coming from on the unexpected gain. As you may recall, I had the same thing happen this week. Here’s to hoping we both get rid of the gain this week.

    BTW, great news on the interview!

  2. Kim, I couldn’t help but think of you when I was watching biggest loser tonight–thinking that you should have been there too. But, I agree–you have your story–your story no longer has you. WTG friend! Congrats on the good interviews!

  3. Kim, that effort will pay-off. One thing that I have learned is that if the calories are not there to maintain those pounds… they have to go. Next week I bet you will have an especially good weigh-in! I know it is hard…sometimes I want to throw my scales out a window.

    I am glad you had a good interview and I hope you get the job.

    Keep on going and stay strong. You have been my biggest inspiration since January when I first found your blog….there are people that need you- and you probably didn’t realize it.

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