A post full of randomosity…
I had a fantastic interview today. The two potential supervisors seem to have a fondness for sarcasm and teasing. I would fit right in with either of them as my boss. The interview was more like an easy conversation among friends. Completely comfortable. I didn’t feel like I was reaching for answers or trying to spin anything to make it sound slightly better. After an hour and fifteen minutes, they ended the interview. I will know by Friday if they want me back for a 2nd interview. If I get hired, I would be working by October 5th. Despite all of this, I find myself staying as low key as possible about it, downplaying it, afraid to hope, and not wanting to let myself want this too much.
After the interview, I went and weighed in. I had started a new page last week that logged my daily calories and how much time I spent exercising, each day. Nothing big, nothing crazy, just an additional line of accountability for myself since I knew I was starting to fade away and hide. Whether anyone looks at it or not is not the point, the point is that each day I know I have to write it down. Here. On the blog. Knowing I had this log, I knew my calorie intake last week was good. Great actually! Only one day I went over calories. I didn’t work out as much as I thought I did though. But despite that, my calorie level is such that even if I didn’t exercise, I should be losing 1 lb a week. All this to say, I was excited for today’s weigh in. I was actually looking forward to seeing the scale and then the jubilant text I would send to Coach and Aaron. As I drove there from the interview, I just kept thinking I am gonna get to send a double good text (interview and a loss!) But that was not in the cards today. Somehow I gained 2.1 lbs this week.
I am very frustrated and discouraged and yet I know I did the work. The scale just is not my friend this week. It will come next week. At least that is what I am telling myself until I believe it and until then, I keep doing the work…and trying to avoid the super size bag of Tootsie rolls mom bought!
The Biggest Loser started tonight. In fact it is on now as I write this. Part of me wishes I was there. Part of me is glad I am not. Part of me is grateful for the painstakingly slow process I am in, because the chances of regain are much less this way. Part of me wishes I could put the process on warp speed. I want to be there and yet I don’t. I just saw one woman almost quit and I thought “Seriously?? You are gonna throw this opportunity away? My opportunity? You are gonna throw away?” Then as I watched all the drama unfold, each of the contestants have some sort of life tragedy that has contributed to where they are today. I thought, my story would fit right in here. Except it won’t, because my story no longer has me, I have it! (At least most of the time anyway) I am not saying I am better than all those contestants…I am just in a different place. I have already begun coming to terms with my “stuff” and dealing with it and working on the weight loss. I just wouldn’t have provided any drama. But I am still disappointed I am not there. Grrrr… hate that!
I got a road bike! I officially have all the tools I need to be able to do all three legs of a triathlon next spring/summer. I will post pictures of the bike and the ridiculous story of how I got it soon! Remind me if I forget, it is funny!