That Girl: A Rant

Tonight, I went out with my sister-in-law and some of her friends and her Aunt to a Mary Kay party.  When you take out the fact that we are being pitched to buy really expensive make-up/facial cleansing products  or to sign up for the “opportunity” it was generally a good time to be with “the girls”.

However, it is always awkward for me being around this group.  I am sure that much of it is my own attitude because I am certain they are just trying to be encouraging and supportive, but this is what happens.  They all know that I applied for TBL and they all of course know I have lost weight.  65 lbs is noticeable.  It is a young child, after all, missing off my body.  However, I show up and the subject of conversation goes immediately to food, diet, or exercise and the latest things to make it happen that THEY are doing and that I SHOULD do as well.   This could be the latest exercise DVD that they all love and do together 3 times a week in said Aunt’s garage or it could be the latest organic food they found or vitamin supplement that our body NEEDS.  It could be the benefits of natural almonds or avocados.  But the key thing is the conversation is not WITH me, it is AT me and it is giving me unasked for advice without really caring to ask or listening to my answer when they do ask about what it is that I AM doing.

The other conversation that comes up is the “other” people they know that has lost a significant amount of weight.  Tonight, as we were walking in to this party, the Aunt pulled me back from the group to tell me something.  The friend she brought has lost 50 lbs and wants to lose 50 more.  She has told me about this friend of hers before and for whatever reason felt it necessary to POINT HER OUT to me.  So now what?  Am I supposed to go up to this woman I just met and start talking about weight loss and compare war stories with her, just because we have both lost significant amounts of weight?  Did Aunt point me out to this other woman before they even got in the car too?

Here is my beef with all of this.

There is more to me than my weight.  I have other interests, other passions.  I don’t always want to talk about food/diet or the program.  Frankly, it is in my head all the time, from the time I wake up till the time I go to sleep.  I have people I am in accountability with to really hash things out with if I need to.  But really, when I am with others, sometimes I just want to be able to forget about it for a while. I don’t always want to talk about it.  Yes, here on my blog this is all you get (not really) but 99% of what I blog about has to do with my weight or what is getting in the way of my weight loss…but that is the PURPOSE of my blog.

I am not the number that I weigh nor am I the number of pounds I have lost.  My name is not 290.2 or 65.8!  Why does an introduction have to be “Hey this is Kim, she has lost 65 lbs…isn’t that wonderful?!”  Why can’t it simply be, “Hey, this is Kim or my friend so and so…I think you guys would get along great!”  Then let us talk and decide if each of us want the other knowing such intimate details as our weights/struggles with it!  I don’t want to be introduced as/talked about as “That girl” who lost x number of lbs.  My name is Kim thank you very much.  Can that stand alone?  Can that be enough of an introduction…then let me decide how I want to be known by that person?  Can who I am be enough without having to qualify it with what I am doing?

I know, I sound whiny.  These people love me and they want to be encouraging.  They are well-meaning people with good intentions.  They are proud of my lbs lost.  They are proud of me.  Which is the only reason I don’t say anything.

So I rant here instead. 🙂

8 thoughts on “That Girl: A Rant

  1. Pingback: Weight Loss » Blog Archive » That Girl: A Rant

  2. Kim, I think your last little bit said it all – they are well-meaning people with good intentions. That doesn’t mean they are doing something that is smart. I would let it be like water off a ducks back. Don’t worry about the advice others have given you. You know your program and that it is working for you – stick to it. And regarding the aunt pushing you to talk to the other lady, I think you did the right thing and essentially ignored it.

    Keep up the good work Kim, you are doing great!

    • Thanks Steve! I think it is the “You SHOULDS” I resist the most. I am kinda stubborn that way…tell me I should and I won’t. Tell me I can’t and I will.

      Letting it roll though…

  3. You are doing great. I find everyone doing the same with me, even though I haven’t lost that weight yet, but they want to seem like they know best. And they probably do, FOR THEM, but only I know what is best for me. Like Steve said, letting it roll off the back is probably the best. I think a lot of people don’t know what to say or how to help and they also don’t get that we will ask if we need help. You know what is best for you because you are doing it. You are my friend Kim!!(sometimes my therapist) lol

    • It is crazy Karla…and I am afraid it is only going to get worse…;-) Maybe it is a blessing I didn’t make it on TBL…then I would have the WHOLE COUNTRY telling me what I SHOULD do or offering advice and watching my every bite.

      Hey this should be day 3….How is it going?

  4. Yeah being a a reality show would be hard afterwards I think. I mean what would happen if you had a piece of pizza, the whole place would be looking at you eating something

    Well I forgot last night but did it this morning so 2 talks down, will have the 3rd again tonight. I said today that I need a neon sign with an arrow pointing to the sign.

  5. Well, Kim, I think you should . . . 😉 Just kidding!

    I totally relate to this. I’m glad you have this place to rant and others who understand what you are going through.

  6. I also get annoyed with people telling me what I “should” do. I’ve been researching this for years… I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what I’m doing when it comes to nutrition. Exercise I will gladly accept help with, but I like it to be from someone who has experience with working with obese people. Of course I still have the fertility thing – you can imagine the “shoulds” I get regarding that, including “why don’t you JUST adopt?” As if it’s as easy as ordering a kid from!

    Now I’m ranting!

    I get where you’re coming from!

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