Today, I have been a bit anxious. For some reason I am concerned about tomorrow’s weigh in. Logically, I shouldn’t be. I have done very well with calories this week and have a log to prove it. I have worked out every day, running or swimming, except today. Today I took as my day off. I even navigated a family gathering fairly well yesterday. Went over calories a little bit, but not much, which is amazing considering family gatherings of this nature consist of very few veggies, lots of fried chicken, and macaroni or potato salads, chips…really nothing healthy what so ever!
Tomorrow though, if things go the way I hope, I will be in the 280’s. Another milestone reached. Yet today I have found myself anxious and reaching for…CHOCOLATE…like crazy! Not even good chocolate either! Today has been a battle to stay away from it all and I haven’t been very successful. I found myself in the crazy place of having some chocolate. Then doing the mental chastisement. Quick drink a ton of water….get it out…oh wait….don’t want too much in you…don’t want water to weigh you down tomorrow…go back to balance…and start the crazy cycle over. Been a rough day on this front!
Angela happened to email me today, right after one of these crazy cycles, so I sent her a message. Part of her response was this.
“You are really starting to know yourself. Each time you have done this thing you have learned a little more about your triggers. But this time it is for real and you are taking this weight off for good. A few years ago you mightn’t have even cared about the chocolate eating, or maybe you would have but you wouldn’t have known why you were doing it. Now you know the real Kim. The center of why the weight went on in the first place, and why it’s so scary to come out of there.”
She went on to share some relatable experiences which were awesome. I love this girl and I have never even met her. She seems to be able to relate to me in ways others cannot. And she seems to know where I am at without me having to work hard at explaining. Probably because she has been there herself…it is great to have somone like this!
But the best thing she said in her email was one word. It calmed me like nothing else and reminded me of something my old counselor, Esther, used to tell me to do, when I forgot to do it…
Now that the day is over…today might have beena good day to practice that silence thing they talked about in church on Sunday…..