Eyes Wide Open

It is 2 AM. I am still awake. This is not unusual for me. I am typically a night person unless I am working and have to routinely be up by a specified time. Since I am not, I tend to be awake until the wee hours of the morning. However, on this night, I needed to be in bed hours ago. In 2.5 hours I need to be up, getting ready to start my day as I head to TBL Casting call with a friend. This evening has been spent finalizing our application, attempting to choose between dozens of photos to put with the application and readying my friends house for a bachelorette party for Saturday night.
Why was my application not filled out before now? Well, partly because I procrastinate and partly because I couldn’t formulate into words what I wanted to say in it. SO I have been reading the application questions and thinking about them. (This is the way I wrote papers in college as well. Actual written word didn’t happen until the night before it was due and I stayed up all night and would get an A.) SO then why was my pictures not picked until today? The same reason they are still not picked now. I cannot choose. SO they are getting about 8 pictures. Some of me now, by myself, and a couple of me and my friend who would also potentially be my teammate if they do another couples season. Finally one of me as a young child, before I gained all my weight. It is one of the last pictures I have of before I seriously began putting on the weight.
I need to go to sleep but I am not tired in the least bit. My eyes are wide open. I am not nervous about tomorrow. It will mostly be standing around in a huge line of my fellow fatties, probably about 1000 of them, all of whom are hoping the same thing as me. That TBL, will “Pick Me!” When I finally get to the front of the line I will get about 30 seconds to impress one person who will decide whether he/she wants to see more of me. There is nothing I can control about this process.
I have done the work they requested. I filled out the application and provided some photos. I will show up tomorrow full of fun and life and probably loaded up on caffeine. I will waste a bunch of calories on cream and sugar so that I can drink that caffeine too! And I will pray. I will ask God for this opportunity. And then I will trust Him to give me what is best for me, for the journey He has planned for me.
Do I want to go on this show? Heck Yes!!
Will I be disappointed if I don’t get picked? Probably, if I am honest with myself
Will I let the disappointment stop me from losing another 43 lbs? Absolutely NOT!
Ultimately, I will lose my weight with or without the show. But man, would it ever be a wild ride to go to California, train with Bob or Jillian or whatever other trainer they come up with, meet all kinds of super cool people, and lose this weight fast. All the while with a chance to win 250K. So fellow bloggers and friends who read…be praying. I want this!
I want the opportunity to go away for a few months. While I would miss everyone terribly, I think what fun it would be to come back a whole person smaller and surprise everyone with the results! I can imagine walking into my old DDH at a time when Coach or Adam is there, perhaps at a spin class with Jeff or Emily, getting on a bike and seeing if they even recognize me! Now THAT would be fun to capture their expressions when they look over and see someone who looks kinda familiar….yet…..”Hello boys!” πŸ™‚ Or showing up for the annual Octoberfest without telling anyone I am coming and seeing if people recognize me! I have no idea what I will look like skinny, but I imagine the transformation will be quite different. It is already.
Tonight I was looking through some photos. I came across a batch from a “Girl’s Getaway Weekend” I did with my best girls in October 2008. I looked at this photo and actually started crying. I called my friend over to look at the photo. I just looked at her and was like…”oh my gosh! I have lost ALOT of weight!” I could see it in my face so clearly. Suddenly the full reality of 43 LBS gone hit me. I KNEW I had lost that much. Coach even had me pick up the free weights at one point to help me get a reality check. I also could see different parts of my body at times looking a little different. Earlier in the evening I had tried on the 3x t-shirt that we got to wear to the casting call and I thought I looked smaller but couldn’t be sure. (Hello Mcfly, the fact that I was wearing comfortably a 3x and not a 4x should have told me something!) But this photo just hit me! I was stunned.
SO here is the photo I saw tonight that made me stop in awe!

And here is a photo of me taken in recent weeks!

My eyes are now wide open to the physical changes that are beginning to take place! This is where weight loss gets fun!
Now I have 1 hour and 45 minutes to sleep. I suppose I should try to at least take a nap, eh?!
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9 thoughts on “Eyes Wide Open

  1. Hey girlie…I woke up 45 mins before my alarm went off and I didn’t even get to bed until around midnight. We’re crazy. πŸ˜‰

    Hope your day is wonderful!! I’ll be praying for you!!!

  2. Kim–I will so be praying for you today. I WANT YOU TO GET THIS TOO! If you get on, I will sort of feel like you are doing it for all of us.

    Can’t wait to read about your adventure today AND when you are picked to be the next Biggest Loser! YOU CAN DO IT!

    Teresa

  3. Ooh, I’m so excited for you! Tomorrow will be a fun whirlwind. You’ll talk to everyone in line and love it.

    Oh, and one comment about your pictures in this blog: “HOT DAMN!!!”

    Love you!

  4. Love the picture too. πŸ™‚ I really hope and pray that it all works out for you. You sure do have the drive, determination and the enthusiasm to be the next TBL. keep us up to date. i have a bit of news myself and I’ll be blogging about that. I sure hope your news is better than mine πŸ™‚
    Your doing awesome work, Kim.

  5. I’m praying with you about the Biggest Loser callback.

    Also want to say how beautiful you are! And I can see the change in your recent pic mostly along the jawline. It seems to come off slowly but the effects are dramatic, aren’t they?

    Update us as soon as possible, please!

    ~amy

  6. Thanks guys and gals for your encouragement and prayers. AMy, that is where I see it too…the jawline and cheeks. I see it better when I look in teh mirror though…

    As for Saturdays events. It all went well. However, I will not be blogging about the details of the day or what questions I got asked or any of that stuff. THey now have my blog address and I don;t want to do anything that will hinder my chances by talking about hte details of the process…it is enough that the fact I am applying is even on the blog. SO, whether I make it or not…you will have to wait for the show to air to find out! September! hehehe

  7. OMG you are brave my sister. Jillian is one scary B! I love her, but from afar. πŸ™‚ I want this so much for you too, mostly because I know how much it means to you. I personally feel as though they choose people who are already gorgeous so that the weight loss is more entertaining for ratings purposes. So you’ve got a leg up there because you’re beautiful! Go WOW their socks off!

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