Well, now that I have officially told all those that I wanted to share this news with first hand(at least those who read the blog anyway), I can now blog about what has occurred over the last week.
For those that don’t know, I have been unemployed for the last year. During this past year, one might think it has been depressing and discouraging, but really God has used this time so hugely to encourage me, strengthen me, heal me, and show me what I have within me. I have learned much about myself in the last year. I could blog for days about all the many lessons I have learned, but I won’t. You might get really bored! Plus, some of it is already in the blog archives. However, I will sum it up with this. Who I was a year ago, 6 months ago, and even 1 month ago is a completely different person than I am today. I am confident. I know I am beautiful. I know that I have what it takes for success. I am no longer dependent on others for my success, although it is fun to work out with the likes of Adam and Mike! I have a peace inside me that surpasses my earthly comprehension. I feel whole and complete and I know that I am enough, as I am today. No changes necessary.
With all that said, I am moving back to my hometown of Detroit. (For those not from West Michigan, “Detroit” is a relative term for the East side of the state.) A month ago you might have read a blog about what home is. At that time, I was struck with the idea of having to move from my beloved Grand Rapids, away from the people that have already learned how to support me(or put up with me 🙂 ), away from my church, and friends who are like family to me… and I was freaking out. Today, I am completely at peace with the decision to move back to Detroit and to establish a place called home there too. I know that I know that the drive and determination to stick with my fitness goals comes from within me and not from external forces (i.e my support system). I get myself to the gym everyday. I choose the food I eat. I choose to go when I don’t want to and I choose to let people in to my struggle when I need help. Ultimately, I choose.
I don’t think that going back to Detroit and living with family, where I learned poor health habits will be without struggle. I am very aware of what a struggle it may well be. But I am strong. Strong in mind and heart. I am getting physically stronger. I am emotionally stronger and gaining strength daily as I continue to learn to fully experience and not dismiss my feelings. I also know that while I may be 125 miles from my current support system physically, I will take them with me in my heart and via the phone, and email, facebook, and my blog. (I don’t know when I will stop looking around the gym while on the treadmill lest Mike scare the living CRAP out of me-PTSD waiting to happen there! And I will probably forever hear Aaron’s voice in my head reminding me to look at my heart and that the scale is not the only measure to healthiness-and even if I don’t hear it, I have it saved in a text and on email. Then there is Adam very quietly saying “it’s not a workout if you’re not pushing yourself harder each time”)
And when that mode of support doesn’t work, I have Jen, Kristin, and Weez in Detroit waiting for me. But the greatest thing I have in Detroit is my brother, Ken. Ken, who quietly made me steamed veggies at Christmas because the other veggies were no longer healthy. Ken, who while travelling in TN, picked me up some of my yogurts so I would at least have that as an option while visiting family. Ken, You have no IDEA what those 2 acts of support have meant to me! You can downplay it all you want, but I am the one your acts of kindness impacted. I have been telling all of Grand Rapids about your quiet support and now all of blogdom knows I have a fantastic brother!
SO bring on the struggle, Satan, you won’t win, not this time! (OK, really Satan you can lay off the struggle a bit…but even if you don’t YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!)
I leave you with one of my favorite verses. John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.