I was just re-reading my very first post tonight, thinking about how when I first started this, I was anticipating a whole lot of struggle and very little success. But as I look back over the last 3 months, I have had more successes than failures. I haven’t always lost the pounds each week, but I handled it in a more healthy manner. I didn’t give up. I am still going.
Then I thought about today, and how in the morning, I did a Pilates class, then tonight I went and did a Spin class then swam. I have been slowly increasing the duration, intensity, and frequency of my workouts. It has been cool to see the progress and regardless of what is showing up on the scale, the results are beginning to show in my clothes. Which means, people are going to start noticing a difference. Truthfully they already have, but I didn’t believe them because I didn’t notice a difference in how my clothes fit.
In the past, when people start noticing, I have fallen off the wagon and begun to move in the opposite direction of where I want to go. This usually begins to happen sometime shortly after the 3rd month of whatever “program” I am doing. I am taking stock. I am beyond the 3rd month of my program(whatever that is). People are noticing my “ever shrinking ass”. My clothes fit different. So I am wondering will history repeat itself once again? Or have the changes I think I have been making physically, emotionally, and spiritually really taken root in me such that history does not have to repeat itself?
I hope so and yet there is a part of me that is anticipating a crash. There is a voice in my head that was once really loud. This voice has been quiet for a while now…until tonight. Tonight, it has been a quiet whisper of doubt and fear, telling me I don’t have what it takes for long term achievement. That I can do anything short term, but long term is not my game. I am not buying into this lie…not fully. I am just putting it out there…into the light, lest it take root and strangle the new life growing in me.